Wikipedia:Peer review/Sunil Chhetri/archive1

Sunil Chhetri

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because, like with Baichung Bhutia, I want this to become a GA and then an FA. I believe I have used every piece of information available out there about this young footballer and it just needs a few finishing touches.

Thanks, Spiderone (talk) 08:56, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Quick comments from ChrisTheDude (talk · contribs)

• Numbers under ten should be written in words, so "he scored 8 goals over three seasons" should be "he scored eight goals over three seasons"
• Write "2nd" as "second"

 Done Spiderone (talk) 15:58, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

• "Sunil Chhetri was born in New Delhi to parents of Nepalese origin; KB Chhetri, a retired army personnel" - you can't describe a person as "a personnel", as "personnel" is a group noun for all the people in a company/unit. You'd need to refer to him as a "retired army officer" or something similar, depending on exactly what he did in the army

 Done Spiderone (talk) 15:58, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

• "The 2004-05 season saw Chhetri" - a season can't see as it hasn't got any eyes, maybe try "Chhetri once again scored two goals in the 2004-05 season"

 Done Spiderone (talk) 15:58, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

• "One of his most notable performances for a club to date was...." - you don't actually explain what was notable about his performance - did he score loads of goals? Play especially brilliantly? Or was it just that it was a high-profile match?

Removed some of it. It doesn't seem to be a hugely notable match as few sources mention it. Spiderone (talk) 15:59, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

• Brace links to a disambiguation page

Changed to Wiktionary link, it's the 9th definition Spiderone (talk) 15:58, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

• "Chhetri spoke in an interview saying "Nothing has been confirmed as yet but yes, I think I am close to getting there,"" - if this was the case, why did he never sign for them? The article doesn't explain this

 Done Spiderone (talk) 08:16, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

• "Coventry City boss, Chris Coleman announced" - no need for the comma

 Done Spiderone (talk) 08:16, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

• "that they will not be following their interest in the Indian striker" - should be "that they would not"

 Done Spiderone (talk) 12:30, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

• "Chhetri said that he will again be going to Coventry City on an extended trial of 15 days in June 2009" - again, "will" should be "would"

 Done Spiderone (talk) 12:30, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Hope all this helps! -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 12:26, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Brief comments from Jimbo online (talk · contribs)

I have only briefly commented on bits that stand out as an obvious to me. I don't have time to check the references with a fine tooth comb.

• Infobox needs fixing, stats should be aligned and n dashes used.

n dashes? I don't see any on John Wark. Spiderone (talk) 12:32, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

I do.

• Headers - are the years to and from needed?

 Done No they aren't Spiderone (talk) 12:37, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

• "is known for his high work rate, ball control and goal scoring ability." - Sounds like POV, nothing in the main article to back up these comments.

 Done Spiderone (talk) 12:37, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

• In the first para of club career, 9th and 7th should be written as words. This happens quite a bit through the article when referring to be Xth placed in a league.

 Done Spiderone (talk) 17:13, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

• Seasons should include n dashes too.

They all use this dash: "–" Spiderone (talk) 12:37, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

That is an n dash.

• International goals table consists of a lot of overlinking.

 Done and n dashes Spiderone (talk) 17:12, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

There are two different flagicons for Chinese Taipai now though.

 Done Spiderone (talk) 17:24, 10 August 2009 (UTC)