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{{About|the comedian|the fictional main character of the television series ''Seinfeld''|Jerry Seinfeld (character)}}
of aviation,
{{Use mdy dates|date=December 2013}}
{{Infobox comedian
| image = Jerry Seinfeld 2011 Shankbone.JPG
| caption = Seinfeld in 2011
| birth_date = {{Birth date and age|mf=yes|1954|4|29}}
| birth_place = [[Brooklyn]], [[New York (state)|New York]], U.S.
| birth_name = Jerome Allen Seinfeld
| medium = [[Stand-up comedy|Stand-up]], [[television]], [[film]]
| active = 1976–present
| genre = [[Observational comedy]], [[black comedy]], [[political satire]]
| net_worth = {{gain}} $52 million (2014)<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.forbes.com/profile/jerry-seinfeld/|title=jerry seinfeld pofile|publisher=Forbes.com|accessdate=2014-06-13}}</ref>
| subject = [[Culture of the United States|American culture]], [[Politics of the United States|American politics]], [[everyday life]], [[Sex differences in humans|gender differences]], [[human behavior]], [[Embarrassment|social awkwardness]], [[World news|current events]]
| spouse = {{marriage|[[Jessica Seinfeld]]|1999}}
| children = 3
| signature = Seinfeldsignature.svg
| website =
| footnotes =
}}
'''Jerome Allen''' "'''Jerry'''" '''Seinfeld''' (born April 29, 1954)<ref name=tvg>{{cite web | url= http://www.tvguide.com/celebrities/jerry-seinfeld/bio/156837| title=Jerry Seinfeld | publisher= [[TV Guide]]| accessdate= November 20, 2014| archivedate= June 21, 2013| archiveurl= https://web.archive.org/web/20130621051434/http://www.tvguide.com/celebrities/jerry-seinfeld/bio/156837}}</ref><!--birth date appears in archived version only--> is an American comedian, actor, writer, producer, and director. He is known for playing [[Jerry Seinfeld (character)|a semifictional version of himself]] in the sitcom ''[[Seinfeld]]'', which he created and wrote with [[Larry David]]. Seinfeld was heavily involved in the ''[[Bee Movie]]'', in which he voiced its [[protagonist]]. In 2010, he premiered a reality series called ''[[The Marriage Ref (U.S. TV series)|The Marriage Ref]]''. He directed [[Colin Quinn]] in the Broadway show ''Long Story Short'' at the [[Helen Hayes Theater]], which ran until January 2011. He is the creator and host of the web series ''[[Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee]]''. In his stand-up comedy career, Seinfeld is known for specializing in [[observational comedy]], often ranting about relationships and embarrassing social situations.


In 2005, [[Comedy Central]] named Seinfeld their "12th Greatest Stand-up Comedian of All Time".<ref>{{cite web|author=Vera|url=http://www.listology.com/list/comedy-central-100-greatest-standups-all-time|title=In 2005, Comedy Central 100 Greatest Standups of all Time|date=May 19, 2005|publisher=listology.com|accessdate=October 16, 2012}}</ref>
there is no way a bee
should be able to fly.


==Early life==
Its wings are too small to get
Seinfeld was born in [[Brooklyn]], [[New York (state)|New York]].<ref name=NYTmagazine>{{cite news| url = https://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/23/magazine/jerry-seinfeld-intends-to-die-standing-up.html | title=Jerry Seinfeld Intends to Die Standing Up|first=Jonah| last= Weiner| date= December 20, 2012|work=[[The New York Times]] Magazine}}</ref> His father Kalmen Seinfeld collected jokes he heard while serving in [[World War II]].<ref name=NYTmagazine /> His mother, Betty (née Hosni;<ref>She also used the last name Hesney, per Cowan, ''The New York Times''.</ref> born 1914),<ref>{{cite book| title=Seinfeld: The Making of an American Icon |first=Jerry |last=Oppenheimer| publisher=Harper|year= 2002| isbn=978-0060188726}} '''page number=??'''</ref> is of Syrian-Jewish descent; her parents Selim and Salha Hosni<ref name=backstory>{{cite web|url=http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/23/seinfelds-back-story-about-something/|title=Seinfeld's Back Story, About Something|work=The New York Times| first=Alison Leigh|last=Cowan|date= April 23, 2009| quote= Kalmen Seinfeld died in 1985 in Florida.... The death certificate noted that he worked in the sign business and was survived by his wife, the former Betty Hesney.}}</ref> were from [[Aleppo]].<ref name="nytimes.com">{{Cite news| url=https://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/24/nyregion/24records.html | work=The New York Times | title=The Paper Trail of Jerry Seinfeld Leads Back to Ellis Island and Beyond | date=April 24, 2009}} Her family identified their nationality as [[Turkish people|Turkish]] when they emigrated to the United States in 1917.</ref> Seinfeld grew up in [[Massapequa, New York|Massapequa]], New York, and attended [[Massapequa High School]] on [[Long Island]].<ref>{{cite news | last = Kornfeld | first = Michael | url =https://www.nytimes.com/specials/seinfeld/sein89.html | title =A Single Comedian Is Returning to His Roots| work = [[The New York Times]] | date = July 23, 1989 | accessdate= March 6, 2008}}</ref><ref>{{cite news | last = Kellerman | first = Vivien <!--as spelled, with e, not a--> | url =https://www.nytimes.com/1996/01/28/realestate/if-you-re-thinking-of-living-in-massapequa-park-li-fine-schools-famous-alumni.html| title =If You're Thinking of Living In/Massapequa Park, L.I.;Fine Schools, Famous Alumni | work = The New York Times | date = July 28, 1996 | accessdate= November 20, 2014}}</ref> At the age of 16, he spent time [[Kibbutz volunteer|volunteering]] in [[Kibbutz]] [[Sa'ar]] in Israel.<ref name="haaretz">{{cite news|url=http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/927462.html|title=American Jewish comedian Jerry Seinfeld in Israel to promote new movie|agency=[[Associated Press]]| via=''[[Haaretz]]''|accessdate=May 10, 2009| archivedate=February 15, 2009 | archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20090215185638/http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/927462.html }}</ref>
its fat little body off the ground.


He later attended [[State University of New York at Oswego]], transferring after his second year to [[Queens College, City University of New York]], graduating with a degree in communications and theater.<ref>{{cite web| url= http://www.syracuse.com/entertainment/index.ssf/2013/07/jerry_seinfeld_syracuse_landmark_suny_oswego.html| title=Jerry Seinfeld talks SUNY Oswego, Pop-Tarts, marriage, more during Syracuse performance| publisher=Syracuse.com| location= Syracuse, New York| first= Geoff | last= Herbert|date=July 19, 2013 |accessdate= February 7, 2017| archivedate= February 7, 2016| archiveurl =http://archive.is/2hGC1| deadurl=no}}</ref><!--Syracuse.com unable to be archived at Wayback Machine or Webcitation--><ref name=biography.com>{{cite web| url=http://www.biography.com/people/jerry-seinfeld-9542107| title=Jerry Seinfeld Biography" Film Actor, Screenwriter, Television Actor, Comedian, Television Producer (1954–)| publisher=[[Biography.com]] ([[FYI (TV network)|FYI]] / [[A&E Networks]]) | accessdate= February 7, 2017| archivedate=January 5, 2017| archiveurl = https://web.archive.org/web/20170105123011/http://www.biography.com/people/jerry-seinfeld-9542107#synopsis|deadurl=no}}</ref>
The bee, of course, flies anyway


==Career==
because bees don't care
what humans think is impossible.


===Early career===
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Seinfeld developed an interest in standup comedy after brief stints in college productions.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://israeliculture.about.com/culture/israeliculture/library/weekly/aa042098.htm|title=Seinfeld's Kibbutz Days|publisher=Israeli Culture|accessdate=May 10, 2009|archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20010223215641/http://israeliculture.about.com/culture/israeliculture/library/weekly/aa042098.htm|archivedate=February 23, 2001}}</ref> In 1976, after graduation from Queens College, he tried out at an open-microphone night at New York City's [[Catch a Rising Star (comedy clubs)|Catch a Rising Star]], which led to an appearance in a [[Rodney Dangerfield]] [[HBO]] special.<ref name="bio">{{Cite news|url=https://movies.nytimes.com/person/64376/Jerry-Seinfeld/biography|title=Jerry Seinfeld |work= = [[The New York Times]] |accessdate=July 18, 2010}}</ref>
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Seinfeld appeared on open mic nights at Budd Friedman's Improv Club while attending Queens College.
In 1979 he had a small recurring role on the sitcom ''[[Benson (TV series)|Benson]]'', playing Frankie, a mail delivery boy who had comedy routines that no one wanted to hear. However, Seinfeld was abruptly fired from the show due to creative differences.<ref name="bio" /> Seinfeld has said that he was not actually told he had been fired until he turned up for the read-through session for an episode, and found that there was no script for him.<ref>Interview in "How It Began," a special feature in the Seinfeld Season 1 & 2 DVD</ref>


In May 1981, Seinfeld made a successful appearance on ''[[The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson]]'', impressing [[Johnny Carson|Carson]] and the audience and leading to frequent appearances on that show and others, including ''[[Late Night with David Letterman]]''.<ref name="bio" />
Ooh, black and yellow!
Let's shake it up a little.


===''Seinfeld''===
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
{{Main article|Seinfeld}}
[[File:Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus 1997.jpg|thumb|Seinfeld with [[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]] at the 1997 Emmy Awards]]
Seinfeld created ''The Seinfeld Chronicles'' with [[Larry David]] in 1988 for [[NBC]]. The show was later renamed ''[[Seinfeld]]'' to avoid confusion with the short-lived teen sitcom ''[[The Marshall Chronicles]]''. By its fourth season, it had become the most popular and successful sitcom on American television. The final episode aired in 1998, and the show has been a popular [[Television syndication|syndicated]] re-run.


Along with Seinfeld, the show starred ''[[Saturday Night Live]]'' veteran [[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]] and experienced actors [[Michael Richards]] and [[Jason Alexander]]. Alexander played George, a [[Larry David|caricature of Larry David]]. Seinfeld holds the distinction of being the only actor to appear in every episode of the show.<ref>Jason Alexander did not appear in "[[The Pen]]"; Julia Louis-Dreyfus did not appear in [[The Seinfeld Chronicles|the pilot]], "[[The Trip, Part 1]]", or "[[The Trip, Part 2]]"; and Michael Richards did not appear in "[[The Chinese Restaurant]]" or "The Pen".</ref>
Ooming!


Seinfeld has said that his show was influenced by the 1950s sitcom ''[[The Abbott and Costello Show]]''. In the "Seinfeld Season 6" DVD set, commenting on the episode "[[The Gymnast]]", Seinfeld cited [[Jean Shepherd]] as an influence, saying, "He really formed my entire comedic sensibility—I learned how to do comedy from Jean Shepherd."
Hang on a second.


From 2004 to 2007, the former ''Seinfeld'' cast and crew recorded audio commentaries for episodes of the DVD releases of the show. Seinfeld himself provided commentary for multiple episodes.
Hello?


===Post-''Seinfeld''===
- Barry?
{{BLP sources section| date= January 2013}}
- Adam?
After he ended his sitcom, Seinfeld returned to [[New York City]] to make a comeback with his [[stand-up comedy]] rather than stay in [[Los Angeles]] and continue his acting career. In 1998 he went on tour and recorded a comedy special, entitled ''[[I'm Telling You for the Last Time]]''. The process of developing and performing new material at clubs around the world was chronicled in a 2002 documentary, ''[[Comedian (film)|Comedian]]'', which also featured fellow comic [[Orny Adams]] and was directed by Christian Charles. Seinfeld has written several books, mostly archives of past routines.


In the late 1990s, [[Apple Computer]] came up with the advertising slogan "[[Think different]]" and produced a 60-second commercial to promote the slogan. This commercial showed people who were able to "think differently", such as [[Albert Einstein]], [[Mahatma Gandhi]], [[Martin Luther King, Jr.]], and many others. It was later cut short to 30 seconds and altered such that Seinfeld was included at the end, whereas he had not been in the original cut. This shorter version of the commercial aired only once, during the [[The Finale (Seinfeld)|series finale]] of ''Seinfeld''.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.theapplecollection.com/Collection/AppleMovies/mov/jerrysteinfield.mov |title=Seinfeld's commercial |accessdate=August 22, 2011}}</ref>
- Oan you believe this is happening?
[[File:Jerry Seinfeld (1997).jpg|thumb|upright|right|Seinfeld at the 1997 Emmy Awards]]
- I can't. I'll pick you up.
In 2004 Seinfeld also appeared in two commercial [[webisode]]s promoting [[American Express]], titled ''[[The Adventures of Seinfeld & Superman]]''.<ref>{{cite web |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2004/03/30/business/media-business-advertising-seinfeld-superman-join-forces-again-spots-for.html? |title=Seinfeld and Superman join forces again in spots for American Express, this time on the Web. |last=Elliott |first=Stuart |publisher=New York Times |date=30 March 2004 |accessdate=19 March 2016}}</ref> In these, Seinfeld appeared with a cartoon rendering of [[Superman]], who was referenced in numerous episodes of ''Seinfeld'' as Seinfeld's hero, voiced by [[Patrick Warburton]] (character [[David Puddy]] on ''Seinfeld''). The webisodes were directed by [[Barry Levinson]] and aired briefly on television. Seinfeld and "Superman" were also interviewed by [[Matt Lauer]] in a specially recorded interview for the ''[[Today (NBC program)|Today]]'' show.


On November 18, 2004, Seinfeld appeared at the [[National Museum of American History]] to donate the "Puffy Shirt" he wore in the famous ''Seinfeld'' episode [[The Puffy Shirt (Seinfeld episode)|of the same name]]. He also gave a speech when presenting the "Puffy Shirt", saying humorously that "This is the most embarrassing moment of my life."
Looking sharp.


On May 13, 2006, Seinfeld had a cameo appearance on ''Saturday Night Live'' as host Julia Louis-Dreyfus' assassin. Louis-Dreyfus in her opening monologue mentioned the "Seinfeld curse". While talking about how ridiculous the "curse" was, a [[Stage lighting instrument|stage light]] suddenly fell next to her. The camera moved to a [[Catwalk (theater)|catwalk]] above the stage where Seinfeld was standing, holding a large pair of bolt cutters. He angrily muttered, "Damn it!" upset that it did not hit her. Louis-Dreyfus then continued to say that she is indeed not cursed.
Use the stairs. Your father
paid good money for those.


On February 25, 2007, Seinfeld appeared at the [[79th Academy Awards]] as the presenter for "Best Documentary". Before announcing the nominations, he did a short stand-up comedy routine about the unspoken agreement between movie theater owners and movie patrons. ("In movie theaters now, they’re trying to get you to pick up the garbage around your seat. I’m picking nothing up. I’m the one who threw it down. How many different jobs do I have to do?”)<ref>{{cite web |url= http://deadline.com/2007/02/jerry-seinfeld-auditioning-for-80th-oscars-1493/ |last=Finke |first=Nikki |title=Seinfeld Auditioning To Host 80th Oscars? |website=[[Deadline Hollywood]] |publisher=[[Penske Media Corporation]] |date=26 February 2007 |accessdate=19 March 2016}}</ref>
Sorry. I'm excited.


On October 4, 2007, Seinfeld made a brief return to NBC, guest-starring as himself in the ''[[30 Rock]]'' episode "[[SeinfeldVision]]".<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.comingsoon.net/news/tvnews.php?id=22046 |title=Seinfeld to Guest Star on 30 Rock |publisher=ComingSoon.net |date=July 16, 2007 |accessdate=August 22, 2011}}</ref>
Here's the graduate.
We're very proud of you, son.


On February 24, 2008, at the [[80th Academy Awards]], Seinfeld appeared as the [[Voice acting|voice]] of his ''Bee Movie'' animated character Barry, presenting "Best Animated Short". Before announcing the nominees, he showed a montage of film clips featuring bees, saying that they were some of his early work (as Barry).
A perfect report card, all B's.


On June 2, 2008, amidst his spring 2008 tour, Seinfeld performed in his hometown of [[New York City]] for a one-night-only show at the [[Hammerstein Ballroom]] to benefit ''Stand Up for a Cure'', a charity aiding [[lung cancer]] research at [[Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center]].
Very proud.


In August 2008, the [[Associated Press]] reported that Jerry Seinfeld would be the pitchman for [[Windows Vista]], as part of a $300-million advertising campaign by Microsoft. The ads, which were intended to create buzz for Windows in support of the subsequent "I'm a PC" advertisements, began airing in mid-September 2008. They were cut from television after just three installments; Microsoft opted to continue with the "I'm a PC" advertisements<ref>{{cite news|last=Coyle|first=Jake|agency=Associated Press|url=http://www.foxnews.com/wires/2008Aug21/0,4670,MicrosoftSeinfeld,00.html|title=Seinfeld to be pitchman for Microsoft|date=August 21, 2008|publisher=foxnews.com|accessdate=October 16, 2012}}</ref> and run the Seinfeld ads on the Microsoft website as a series of longer advertisements.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.microsoft.com/windows/watchtheads/video/newfamily/ |title=Microsoft Showcase: Watch videos from Microsoft's online video collection |publisher=Microsoft |accessdate=August 22, 2011 |deadurl=yes |archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20090823054859/http://www.microsoft.com/windows/watchtheads/video/newfamily/ |archivedate=August 23, 2009 }}</ref>
Ma! I got a thing going here.


In March 2009, it was announced that Seinfeld and the entire cast of ''Seinfeld'' would be appearing for a reunion in Larry David's HBO series ''[[Curb Your Enthusiasm]]''. The fictional reunion took place in the [[Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 7|seventh season's]] [[Seinfeld (Curb Your Enthusiasm)|finale]].
- You got lint on your fuzz.
- Ow! That's me!


Seinfeld appeared on an episode of the [[Starz (TV channel)|Starz]] original series ''[[Head Case (TV series)|Head Case]]''. As was the case in many of his previous guest appearances on sitcoms, he played himself.
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.
- Bye!


In [[Australia]], Seinfeld appeared on a series of advertisements for the [[Greater Building Society]], a [[building society]] based in [[New South Wales]] and southeastern [[Queensland]].<ref>{{cite web|title=Jerry Seinfeld joins the Greater |work=Greater Building Society |date=July 9, 2008 |url=http://www.greater.com.au |deadurl=yes |archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20150810061600/https://www.greater.com.au/ |archivedate=August 10, 2015 }}</ref> His appearance in these ads was highly publicized and considered a coup for the society, being only the third time Seinfeld had appeared in a television commercial.<ref>{{cite news |title=Jerry Seinfeld films advertisement for Newcastle's Greater Building Society |work=Daily Telegraph |date=July 10, 2009 |url=http://www.news.com.au/business/money/story/0,28323,25759196-5013952,00.html }}{{dead link|date=February 2017}}</ref> The advertisements were filmed in Cedarhurst, [[Long Island]], with the street designed to emulate Beaumont Street in [[Hamilton, New South Wales|Hamilton]], where the Greater's head offices are located.<ref>{{cite web|title=New Greater website has exclusive behind the scenes footage from the commercials starring Jerry Seinfeld |work=Greater Building Society |date=July 13, 2009 |url=http://www.greater.com.au |deadurl=yes |archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20150810061600/https://www.greater.com.au/ |archivedate=August 10, 2015 }}</ref> Seinfeld also wrote the scripts for the 15 advertisements that were filmed. The ads largely aired in the Northern New South Wales television market, where the society has most of its branches.
Barry, I told you,
stop flying in the house!


Seinfeld was the first guest on Jay Leno's talk show, ''[[The Jay Leno Show]]'', which premiered on September 14, 2009.
- Hey, Adam.
- Hey, Barry.


Seinfeld was featured on ''Saturday Night Live's'' [[Weekend Update]] sketch to do the "Really!?!" segment with [[Seth Meyers]]. He executive produced and occasionally starred as a panelist in ''[[The Marriage Ref (U.S. TV series)|The Marriage Ref]]''. On August 30, 2010, Seinfeld made a notable surprise guest appearance on ''[[The Howard Stern Show]]'', mending the feud the two had in the early '90s.
- Is that fuzz gel?
- A little. Special day, graduation.


Seinfeld toured the U.S. in 2011 and made his first stand-up appearance in the [[United Kingdom|UK]] in 13 years. In July 2011, he was a surprise guest on ''[[The Daily Show]]'', helping [[Jon Stewart]] to suppress his urge to tell "cheap" "Michele Bachmann's husband acts gay" jokes.<ref>{{cite episode |series=The Daily Show |airdate=July 13, 2010|url=http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-july-13-2011/comedy-repression-therapy|title=Matthew Richardson}}</ref> Seinfeld also launched a personal archives website at JerrySeinfeld.com and appeared in the HBO special ''Talking Funny'' with fellow comedians [[Chris Rock]], [[Louis C.K.]], and [[Ricky Gervais]] in the same year.
Never thought I'd make it.


In 2012 Seinfeld started a Web series, ''[[Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee]]'', in which he would pick up a fellow comedian in a different car each episode and take him or her out for coffee and conversation. The initial series consisted of ten 7- to 25-minute episodes. Season 2 (2013) had six episodes, with guests including [[Don Rickles]] and [[David Letterman]].<ref>{{cite web|url=http://comediansincarsgettingcoffee.com/ |title=Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee website |publisher=Comediansincarsgettingcoffee.com |accessdate=2014-07-19}}</ref>
Three days grade school,
three days high school.


In 2013 Seinfeld was nominated for a [[Primetime Emmy Award]] for the series.<ref>{{cite web|title=65th Primetime Emmys: Complete List of Nominations|url=http://www.emmys.com/awards/nominees-winners/2013/special-class-short-form-nonfiction|publisher=[[Academy of Television Arts & Sciences]]|date=July 18, 2013|accessdate=Dec 31, 2013}}</ref> When criticized in early 2014 for the lack of women and non-white comedians in the series, he responded, "Who cares? ... You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not."<ref>{{cite news|url=http://www.vulture.com/2014/02/seinfeld-on-diversity-in-comedy-who-cares.html|title=Jerry Seinfeld on Diversity in Comedy: 'Who Cares?'|date=February 9, 2014|first=Halle|last=Kiefer|work=New York|accessdate=April 6, 2014}}</ref>
Those were awkward.


In 2013 Seinfeld was reportedly working with rapper [[Wale (rapper)|Wale]] on his fourth studio album, ''The Album About Nothing''.<ref>{{cite web|last=Horowitz |first=Steven J. |url=http://www.hiphopdx.com/index/news/id.22580/title.wale-reportedly-working-with-jerry-seinfeld-on-the-album-about-nothing- |title=Wale Reportedly Working With Jerry Seinfeld On "The Album About Nothing |publisher=HipHop DX |date=2013-01-18 |accessdate=2014-01-07}}</ref> In June 2013, he appeared on rapper Wale's album ''[[The Gifted]]'', on the song "Outro About Nothing".<ref>{{cite web|url=https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-gifted/id647928009 |title=iTunes - Music - The Gifted by Wale |publisher=Itunes.apple.com |date=2013-06-25 |accessdate=2014-01-07}}</ref>
Three days college. I'm glad I took
a day and hitchhiked around the hive.


During a January 2014 interview, on the "[[Boomer and Carton]]" show on radio station WFAN, Seinfeld revealed that a ''Seinfeld'' project was in development, in which Alexander will play George Costanza alongside other ''Seinfeld'' characters. Rumors of a potential reunion were triggered by a photograph that appeared on Twitter, in which Seinfeld and Alexander are walking into "Tom's Restaurant", the famous diner from the ''Seinfeld'' series.<ref>{{cite web|title=Jerry Seinfeld Confirms ‘Seinfeld’ Reunion of Sorts|url=http://variety.com/2014/tv/news/jerry-seinfeld-reunion-1201077934/|work=Variety|publisher=Penske Business Media, LLC.|accessdate=January 31, 2014|author=Daniel Goldblatt|date=January 30, 2014}}</ref>
You did come back different.


Seinfeld received coverage for his speech at the 2014 [[Clio Awards]] ceremony, where he received an honorary award, as media reporters said that he "mocked" and "ripped apart" the advertising industry; his statement of "I love advertising because I love lying" received particular attention.<ref>{{cite news|author1=Ryan Grenoble|title=Seinfeld's Advertising Award Acceptance Speech Mercilessly Mocks Ad Execs|url=http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/03/seinfeld-clio-speech-advertising-award_n_5929388.html|accessdate=October 12, 2014|work=Huffington Post|date=October 6, 2014}}</ref><ref>{{cite news|author1=Zachary M. Seward|title=Jerry Seinfeld ripped apart the advertising industry on its biggest night|url=http://qz.com/276396/jerry-seinfeld-ripped-apart-the-advertising-industry-on-its-biggest-night/|accessdate=October 12, 2014|work=Quartz|date=October 5, 2014}}</ref>
- Hi, Barry.
- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.


On February 15, 2015, Seinfeld made a special appearance as a presenter on "SNL 40," the 40th anniversary special of ''[[Saturday Night Live]]''.<ref>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-jzbKRi7Qc "Audience Q&A - SNL 40th Anniversary Special"], ''Saturday Night Live''</ref>
- Hear about Frankie?
- Yeah.


In January 2017, it was announced that Seinfeld had signed an exclusive comedy deal with [[Netflix]].<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.thewrap.com/jerry-seinfeld-netflix-comedians-cars/|title=Netflix Nabs ‘Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee,’ 2 New Jerry Seinfeld Stand-Up Specials|website=[[The Wrap]]|first=Tony|last=Maglio|date=January 17, 2017|accessdate=January 17, 2017}}</ref> As part of the deal, all episodes of ''Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee'' would be made available on the streaming service, in addition to a new twenty four episode season.<ref name="netflix">{{cite web|url=http://deadline.com/2017/01/comedians-in-cars-getting-coffee-move-netflix-crackle-jerry-seinfeld-deal-standup-specials-series-1201888377/|title=Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee’ Moves To Netflix As Part Of Big Jerry Seinfeld Deal That Includes Specials & Series|website=[[Deadline.com]]|first=Nellie|last=Andreeva|date=January 17, 2017|accessdate=January 17, 2017}}</ref> Furthermore, the deal also included two new Seinfeld stand-up specials and the development of scripted and non-scripted comedy programming for Netflix.<ref name="netflix"/>
- You going to the funeral?
- No, I'm not going.


===Books===
Everybody knows,
Seinfeld wrote the book ''[[Seinlanguage]]'', released in 1993. Written as his television show was first rising in popularity, it is primarily an adaptation of the comedian's stand-up material. The title comes from an article in ''[[Entertainment Weekly]]'' listing the numerous catch-phrases for which the show was responsible.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,306170,00.html|title=Seinlanguage|work=Entertainment Weekly|date=April 9, 1993|accessdate=Dec 31, 2013|author=Fretts, Bruce}}</ref>
sting someone, you die.


In 2002 he wrote the [[children's literature|children's book]] ''[[Halloween (children's book)|Halloween]]''. The book was illustrated by James Bennett.<ref>{{cite book| title=Halloween |author=Jerry Seinfeld |others=(Illustrated by James Bennett)}}</ref>
Don't waste it on a squirrel.
Such a hothead.


Seinfeld wrote the forewords to [[Ted L. Nancy]]'s ''Letters from a Nut'' series of books and [[Ed Broth]]'s ''Stories from a Moron''.<ref>{{Cite news| url=http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2005-04-27-seinfeld_x.htm?POE=LIFISVA | work=USA Today | title=Seinfeld stirs up publicity | first1=Susan | last1=Wloszczyna | date=April 28, 2005 | accessdate=May 6, 2010}}</ref> Seinfeld also wrote the foreword to the ''[[Peanut Butter & Co.]] Cookbook''.
I guess he could have
just gotten out of the way.


==Influences==
I love this incorporating
Seinfeld has cited as his influences the humorist [[Jean Shepherd]],<ref>{{YouTube|itWxXyCfW5s}}</ref> and the comedians [[Bill Cosby]],<ref>{{Cite video| people = Seinfeld, Jerry| url = http://video.pbs.org/video/1317746583/| title = The 12th Annual Mark Twain Prize for American Humor| medium = TV| publisher =[[Public Broadcasting Service|PBS]]| location = |date = November 4, 2009}}</ref> [[George Carlin]],<ref name=hbo>{{Cite video| people = Seinfeld, Jerry| title = Jerry Seinfeld: The Comedian Award| medium = TV| publisher =[[HBO]]| location = |date = April 1, 2007}}</ref> [[Jay Leno]],<ref>{{Cite video| people = Seinfeld, Jerry| url = http://www.blogtalkradio.com/robin-milling/2010/09/29/milling-about-flashback-with-jerry-seinfeld| title = Milling About Flashback with Jerry Seinfeld| time = approx. 7:00 | medium = Radio| publisher =[[BlogTalkRadio]] | location = |date = September 29, 2010}}</ref> [[Robert Klein]],<ref name=hbo/> and [[Abbott and Costello]],<ref>{{cite news|url=http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,304661,00.html|title=TV Review: Abbott & Costello Meet Jerry Seinfeld | work = [[Entertainment Weekly]]|date=November 25, 1994|author=Tucker, Ken|accessdate=November 15, 2009}}</ref> and the actor [[Ricardo Montalban]].<ref>{{Cite video| people = Seinfeld, Jerry| title = [[Seinfeld (season 6)|Seinfeld, Season 6]], "The Gymnast"| medium = DVD commentary| publisher =[[NBC]]| location = |date = November 22, 2005}}</ref> Performers and producers influenced by Seinfeld include [[Judd Apatow]],<ref name="WEINER, JONAH">{{Cite news| url = https://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/23/magazine/jerry-seinfeld-intends-to-die-standing-up.html?pagewanted=all | title = Jerry Seinfeld Intends to Die Standing Up| work=[[The New York Times]]|date=December 20, 2012|author=Weiner, Jonah|accessdate=February 25, 2013}}</ref> [[Kevin Hart]],<ref name="WEINER, JONAH"/> and [[Dennis Miller]].<ref>{{cite interview |last= Miller |first= Dennis |interviewer= Dennis Miller |title= The Dennis Miller Show |url=http://www.dennismillerradio.com |date= 2014-02-05 }}</ref>
an amusement park into our day.


==Personal life==
That's why we don't need vacations.
[[File:Jessica Seinfeld Jerry Seinfeld Shankbone 2010.jpg|thumb|Jessica and Jerry Seinfeld in 2010]]
Years before ''Seinfeld'' was created, Seinfeld dated [[Carol Leifer]],<ref>{{cite book |title=Jerry Seinfeld: Much Ado About Nothing |last=Levine |first=Josh |year=1993 |publisher=[[ECW Press]] |isbn=1550222015 |page=77|url=https://books.google.com/?id=UQlKvbbV3RgC&pg=PA77}}</ref><ref>{{cite news|url=http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/10/15/comedian-secrets-revealed-behind-scenes-stories-jerry-seinfeld-ray-romano-and/|title=Comedian Secrets Revealed! Behind-the-scenes stories of Jerry Seinfeld, Ray Romano, and more before they were stars|date=October 15, 2012|publisher=foxnews.com|accessdate=October 16, 2012}}</ref> a fellow comedian and one of the inspirations for the ''Seinfeld'' character of Elaine.<ref>{{cite book |title=Pretty, Pretty, Pretty Good: Larry David and the Making of Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm |last=Levine |first=Josh |year=2010 |publisher=ECW Press |isbn=1550229478 |page=19 |url=https://books.google.com/?id=M468S1IekbkC&pg=PT19}}</ref><ref>{{cite news|url=http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1107357|title=Comedienne CAROL LEIFER ("Leefer")|date=December 15, 1993|publisher=npr.org|accessdate=October 16, 2012}}</ref> On national TV with Dr. Ruth Westheimer, he explained how, in 1984, he was engaged but called it off.<ref>{{cite av media|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmAx5oRjhSY|title=Jerry Seinfeld and Dr. Ruth talk sex - 1986|date=August 6, 2011|publisher=|via=YouTube}}</ref> When he was in his late 30s, Seinfeld began a four-year romantic relationship with then-17-year-old high school student [[Shoshanna Lonstein]].<ref name="BIC">"Shoshanna Lonstein." Biography in Context. Detroit: Gale, 2003. Gale Biography In Context. Web. Feb 10. 2011.</ref>


In August 1998, Seinfeld met [[Jessica Seinfeld|Jessica Sklar]] at the Reebok Sports Club and they began dating. Sklar, a [[public relations]] executive for [[Tommy Hilfiger]], had just returned from a three-week honeymoon in [[Italy]] with Eric Nederlander, a theatrical producer and scion of a [[Nederlander Organization|theater-owning family]]. Sklar divorced Nederlander—she explained in a 2007 interview that they had been engaged in couples therapy sessions prior to their marriage—and married Seinfeld on December 25, 1999.<ref>{{cite news|title=How I Met Jerry Seinfeld, Scene 1, Take 2|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/04/fashion/04seinfeld.html?pagewanted=all |accessdate=January 31, 2014|newspaper=The New York Times|date=November 4, 2007|author=Allen Salkin}}</ref><ref>{{cite web|title=NEWS/ Jerry Seinfeld: Married Man!|url=http://www.eonline.com/news/39179/jerry-seinfeld-married-man|work=E!|publisher=E! Entertainment Television, LLC|accessdate=January 31, 2014|author=Bridget Byrne|date=December 25, 1999}}</ref> Comedian [[George Wallace (comedian)|George Wallace]] was the best man at the wedding.<ref>{{cite news|title=VegasBeat — Columnist Timothy McDarrah: Seinfeld will stand, by George|url=http://www.lasvegassun.com/news/2004/jan/16/vegasbeat----columnist-timothy-mcdarrah-seinfeld-w/|accessdate=January 31, 2014|newspaper=Las Vegas Sun|date=17–18 January 2004|author=Timothy McDarrah}}</ref>
Boy, quite a bit of pomp...
under the circumstances.


After the nuptials, Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld bought [[Billy Joel]]'s house in [[Amagansett, New York|Amagansett]], [[Long Island]], for US$32 million after news of the couple's interest in the property became public in 2000.<ref>{{cite web|title=Inside Jerry Seinfeld's 'Laid-Back,' $32M Hamptons Mansion|url=http://homes.yahoo.com/news/inside-jerry-seinfelds-laid-back-32m-hamptons-mansion-160005099.html|work=Yahoo! Homes|publisher=Yahoo!, Inc|accessdate=January 31, 2014|author=Amy Schellenbaum|date=October 25, 2013}}</ref><ref>{{cite news|title=Billy Joel's East Hampton $40 Million Home To Seinfeld|url=http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2000-03-03/news/0003040157_1_guest-house-buying-bruce-wasserstein|accessdate=January 31, 2014|newspaper=Chicago Tribune|date=March 3, 2000}}</ref>
- Well, Adam, today we are men.
- We are!


The Seinfelds have one daughter and two sons. Their daughter Sascha was born on November 7, 2000;<ref>{{cite web|last=Silverman |first=Stephen M. |url=http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,618638,00.html |title=Seinfeld: And Baby Makes Three – Jerry Seinfeld |publisher=People.com |date=July 3, 1998 |accessdate=August 22, 2011}}</ref> their first son Julian Kal was born on March 1, 2003;<ref>{{cite web|last=Silverman |first=Stephen M. |url=http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,625617,00.html |title=Jerry Seinfeld's a Daddy Once More – Jerry Seinfeld |publisher=People.com |date=March 3, 2003 |accessdate=August 22, 2011}}</ref> and their second son Shepherd Kellen was born on August 22, 2005—all in New York City.<ref>{{cite news| url=http://www.theage.com.au/news/people/a-boy-for-jerry/2005/08/26/1124563009721.html | location=Melbourne | work=The Age | title=A boy for Jerry | date=August 26, 2005}}</ref><ref>{{cite web|last=Peterson |first=Todd |url=http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,1098099,00.html |title=Jerry Seinfeld & Wife Welcome Third Child – Birth, Jerry Seinfeld |publisher=People.com |date=August 25, 2005 |accessdate=August 22, 2011}}</ref> Julian's middle name, Kal, is the first name of Seinfeld's father and also the first name of Seinfeld's hero [[Superman|Superman, aka Kal-El]].
- Bee-men.
- Amen!


Among Seinfeld's best friends are fellow comedians [[George Wallace (comedian)|George Wallace]], [[Larry Miller (actor)|Larry Miller]], and [[Mario Joyner]].<ref>{{cite news| url=http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1665827,00.html |title=Jerry Seinfeld Goes Back to Work|last=Cagle|first=Jess|date=September 26, 2007|work=[[Time (magazine)|Time]]|accessdate=October 2, 2010}}</ref>
Hallelujah!


In 2000, Jessica Seinfeld launched Baby Buggy, a charity that provides clothing and gear for underprivileged women and children. She is also the author of the best-seller ''Deceptively Delicious: Simple Secrets to Get Your Kids Eating Good Food'', released by [[HarperCollins]] in October 2007.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.harpercollins.com/books/9780061251344/Deceptively_Delicious/index.aspx |title=Deceptively Simple |publisher=Harpercollins.com |date=March 24, 2010 |accessdate=August 22, 2011 |deadurl=yes |archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20100414005333/http://www.harpercollins.com/books/9780061251344/Deceptively_Delicious/index.aspx |archivedate=April 14, 2010 }}</ref>
Students, faculty, distinguished bees,


Seinfeld has made several political contributions, including [[George W. Bush]]'s and [[Al Gore]]'s presidential campaigns in [[United States presidential election, 2000|2000]], and subsequently to four [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic Party]] primary candidates in 2000 and [[United States presidential election, 2004|2004]].<ref>[http://www.newsmeat.com/celebrity_political_donations/Jerry_Seinfeld.php "Jerry Seinfeld's Federal Campaign Contribution Report"], ''Newsmeat&nbsp;— America's most popular campaign donor search engine''. Accessed May 10, 2008. {{webarchive |url=https://web.archive.org/web/20131010151510/http://www.newsmeat.com/celebrity_political_donations/Jerry_Seinfeld.php |date=October 10, 2013 }}</ref>
please welcome Dean Buzzwell.


Seinfeld stated that he dabbled in [[Scientology]] during his 20s,<ref name="msnbc">{{cite web|url=http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/21535797/ns/today-entertainment/t/seinfeld-admits-he-dabbled-scientology/|title=Seinfeld admits he dabbled in Scientology|work=TODAY.com}}</ref> although he says he was never in the organization.<ref name="Levine1993">{{cite book|author=Josh Levine|title=Jerry Seinfeld: Much Ado About Nothing|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=UQlKvbbV3RgC&pg=PA19|date=October 1, 1993|publisher=ECW Press|isbn=978-1-55022-201-2|pages=19–20}}</ref><ref>{{Cite news| last =Shales | first =Tom | title =Seinfeld, a Stand-Up Kind of Guy; The Star of NBC's Hip, Hot Half-Hour, on Comedy With a Heart of Darkness | work = [[The Washington Post]] | publisher = [[The Washington Post Company]] | page = B1 | date = April 22, 1992 }}</ref> The association came to light in 1992.<ref name="Levine1993"/>
Welcome, New Hive Oity
graduating class of...


A fan of the [[New York Mets]], Seinfeld periodically calls [[Steve Somers]]' show on [[WFAN]]-AM, a [[sports talk radio]] station, as "Jerry from Queens".<ref>{{cite news|title=Mets Seinfeld And The Schmoozer: ‘Jerry From Queens’ Talks Mets Magic On WFAN|url=http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2012/06/05/seinfeld-and-the-schmoozer-jerry-from-queens-talks-mets-magic-on-wfan/|accessdate=January 31, 2014|newspaper=CBS Local|date=June 5, 2012}}</ref> Seinfeld called four innings of a Mets game on [[SportsNet New York]] on June 23, 2010, reuniting with analyst [[Keith Hernandez]], who appeared in the ''Seinfeld'' two-part episode, "[[The Boyfriend (Seinfeld)|The Boyfriend]]".<ref>{{cite web|author=Jesse Sanchez&nbsp;/&nbsp;MLB.com |url=http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20100618&content_id=11310026&vkey=news_mlb&fext=.jsp&c_id=mlb |title=Seinfeld to grace Mets booth Wednesday &#124; MLB.com: News |publisher=Mlb.mlb.com |accessdate=August 22, 2011}}</ref>
...9:15.


In December 2012, Seinfeld said that he had been practicing [[Transcendental Meditation technique|Transcendental Meditation]] (TM) for 40 years. He promoted the use of the technique in the treatment of [[post-traumatic stress disorder]] with Bob Roth of the [[David Lynch Foundation]] in December 2012 on the ''Good Morning America'' television show,<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.bienfaits-meditation.com/en/david_lynch_foundation/abcnews_jerry_seinfeld |title=Jerry Seinfeld on Importance of Meditation for PTSD |publisher=abcNEWS.com |date=December 13, 2012 |accessdate=2007-03-07 |deadurl=yes |archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20130907043744/http://www.bienfaits-meditation.com/en/david_lynch_foundation/abcnews_jerry_seinfeld |archivedate=September 7, 2013 }}</ref> and also appeared at a 2009 David Lynch Foundation benefit for TM, at which former [[The Beatles|Beatles]] [[Paul McCartney]] and [[Ringo Starr]] appeared.<ref>{{cite web|title=At Radio City, Paul and Ringo together again|url=http://www.popmatters.com/article/72736-at-radio-city-paul-and-ringo-together-again/|work=PopMatters|publisher=PopMatters Media, Inc|accessdate=January 31, 2014|author=Glenn Gamboa|date=April 6, 2009}}</ref>
That concludes our ceremonies.


In November 2014, Seinfeld said he suspected he was on the [[autism spectrum]], citing difficulties with social engagement and reading body language.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.nbcnews.com/nightly-news/brian-williams-goes-behind-scenes-jerry-seinfeld-n243166|title=Brian Williams Goes Behind the Scenes With Jerry Seinfeld|work=NBC News}}</ref> Almost two weeks later, he told ''[[Access Hollywood]]'', "I don't have autism. I'm not on the spectrum. I was just watching this play about it and … I related to it on some level."<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.accesshollywood.com/jerry-seinfeld-explains-autism-comments_video_2478937|title=Jerry Seinfeld Explains Autism Comments|work=Access Hollywood}}</ref>
And begins your career
at Honex Industries!


On November 5, 2015, the [[David Lynch Foundation]] organised another benefit concert at New York City's [[Carnegie Hall]] called "Change Begins Within" to promote [[transcendental meditation]] for stress control. "It's been the greatest companion technique of living that I've ever come across, and I'm thrilled to be part of this movement that seems to have really been reinvigorated by Bob [Roth] and David Lynch," Seinfeld said. "I would do anything that I could to promote it in the world, because I think it's the greatest thing as a life tool, as a work tool and just making things make sense." <ref>{{cite news |last= Grow |first= Kory |date= |title= Katy Perry, Sting Stun at David Lynch's Meditation Benefit Concert - Jerry Seinfeld, Angelique Kidjo, Jim James and others also perform and explain relaxation technique's importance to them at New York's Carnegie Hall |url= http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/katy-perry-sting-stun-at-david-lynchs-meditation-benefit-concert-20151105 |newspaper= Rolling Stone Magazine |location= |archive-url= http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/katy-perry-sting-stun-at-david-lynchs-meditation-benefit-concert-20151105 |archive-date=November 5, 2015 |access-date= November 14, 2015 }}</ref>
Will we pick ourjob today?


===Wealth===
I heard it's just orientation.
According to ''[[Forbes]]'' magazine, Seinfeld's annual earning from ''Seinfeld'' in 2004 was $267 million, placing him at the top of the celebrity "money rank" that year.<ref>{{Cite news|url= http://www.forbes.com/lists/home.jhtml?passListId=53&passYear=1999&passListType=Person |archiveurl= https://web.archive.org/web/20100116135244/http://www.forbes.com/lists/home.jhtml?passListId=53&passYear=1999&passListType=Person |archivedate= 2010-01-16 |title= ''Forbes'' list |accessdate =December 18, 2007}}</ref> He reportedly turned down $5 million per episode, for 22 episodes, to continue the show for a tenth season.<ref>{{Cite news|url= http://www.cnn.com/SHOWBIZ/9712/26/seinfeld/|title= CNN- Seinfeld to end show |publisher= CNN|date= December 26, 1997|accessdate =December 18, 2007}}</ref>


Seinfeld earned $100 million from syndication deals and stand-up performances in 2005 and $60 million in 2006.<ref>{{cite news|url=http://www.forbes.com/lists/2006/53/Compen_Salary.html |title=The Celebrity 100 |publisher=Forbes.com |accessdate=February 5, 2012}}</ref><ref>{{cite news| url=http://www.forbes.com/lists/2007/53/07celebrities_The-Celebrity-100_EarningsPrevYear.html | work=Forbes | title=The Celebrity 100 - Forbes.com | date=June 14, 2007}}</ref> He also earned $10 million for appearing with [[Bill Gates]] in Microsoft's 2008 advertisements for Windows.<ref>''TV Guide,'' September 7, 2008.</ref>
Heads up! Here we go.


Between June 2008 and June 2009, Seinfeld earned $85 million, making him the world's highest-paid comedian during that 12-month period.<ref>{{cite news| url=http://www.forbes.com/2009/07/13/top-earning-comedians-business-entertainment-top-earning-comedians.html | work=Forbes | first=Lacey | last=Rose | title=The Top-Earning Comedians | date=July 13, 2009}}</ref> In 2013, ''Forbes'' documented Seinfeld's annual income as $32 million.<ref name="Jerry Seinfeld annual income Forbes">{{cite web|title=Jerry Seinfeld annual income Forbes|url=http://www.forbes.com/profile/jerry-seinfeld/|publisher=Forbes|accessdate=September 16, 2013}}</ref> In mid-2013, Seinfeld disputed ''Forbes''' claims regarding his income and net worth on the radio show of Howard Stern.<ref name="Stern">{{cite AV media |people= Stern, Howard |year= 2013 |title= Jerry Seinfeld on The Howard Stern Show 6-26-13|trans_title= |medium= Radio |language= |url= https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcBnicKhZL8&feature=youtu.be&t=1h11m5s |accessdate= November 22, 2014 |archiveurl= |archivedate= |time= |publisher= |location= |id= |isbn= |oclc= |quote= |ref= }}</ref>
Keep your hands and antennas
inside the tram at all times.


Seinfeld was listed number 1 in the [[Forbes]] Highest-Paid Comedians for 2015.<ref>{{cite web|title = The Highest-Paid Comedians 2015|url = http://www.forbes.com/sites/maddieberg/2015/10/21/the-worlds-highest-paid-comedians-2015/|website = Forbes|accessdate = 2015-10-22}}</ref>
- Wonder what it'll be like?
- A little scary.


====Car collection====
Welcome to Honex,
Seinfeld, an automobile enthusiast and avid collector, owns a large [[Porsche]] collection.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/23/magazine/jerry-seinfeld-intends-to-die-standing-up.html|title=Jerry Seinfeld Intends to Die Standing Up|date=December 23, 2012|work=The New York Times}}</ref> He rented a hangar at the [[Santa Monica Airport]], in [[Santa Monica]], California, for an extended period of time during the 1990s for storage of some of the vehicles in the collection.<ref>{{Cite book|title = Seinfeld Reference: The Complete Encyclopedia with Biographies, Character Profiles & Episode Summaries|url = https://books.google.com/books?id=9RyY2Mtqk54C&lpg=PT45&dq=jerry%20seinfeld%20rented%20a%20hangar%20at%20the%20Santa%20Monica%20Airport&pg=PT45#v=onepage&q&f=false|publisher = Praetorian Publishing|access-date = 2015-04-22|isbn = 9780967985244|first = Dennis|last = Bjorklund}}</ref> In 2002 Seinfeld purchased property on the [[Upper West Side]] of [[Manhattan]] in [[New York City]] where he built a $1.4 million dollar two story garage to store part of his Porsche collection on the East Coast.<ref>[http://www.complex.com/sports/2013/04/inside-jerry-seinfelds-super-secret-manhattan-garage Inside Jerry Seinfeld's Super Secret Manhattan Garage] (Retrieved from TheComplex.com on 28 October 2016)</ref><ref>[http://observer.com/2002/03/seinfeld-builds-a-parking-lot/ Seinfeld Builds a Parking Lot] (Retrieved from [[The Observer]] on 28 October 2016)</ref>
a division of Honesco


One tally has Seinfeld owning 46 Porsches.<ref name="Complex">{{cite web|url=http://www.complexmag.ca/rides/2013/04/inside-jerry-seinfelds-super-secret-manhattan-garage |title=Inside Jerry Seinfeld's Super Secret Manhattan Garage |publisher=[[Complex (magazine)|Complex]] |date=April 24, 2013}}{{dead link|date=February 2017}}</ref> Paul Bannister has written that Seinfeld's collection includes [[Porsche 911]]s from various years, 10 [[Porsche Boxster]]s each painted a different color, and the famous 1955 [[Porsche 550 Spyder]], the same model and pearl-grey color that actor [[James Dean]] was driving when he crashed and died.<ref name=bannister />
and a part of the Hexagon Group.


[[Discovery Channel|The Discovery Channel]] television show [[Chasing Classic Cars]] claims that Seinfeld owns the first and last air-cooled Porsche 911s produced. The centerpiece is a $700,000 [[Porsche 959]], one of only 337 built. He was not allowed to drive it, because the car was "not [[Street-legal vehicle|street legal]]", which is because US emissions and crash tests were never performed for the model since Porsche refused to donate four Porsche 959s for destruction tests. He imported the car "[[Grey import vehicles|for exhibition purposes]]", on the stipulation that it may never be driven on US roads.<ref name="bannister">{{Cite book|last=Bannister|first=Paul|title=The Comedians|pages=74–75}}</ref> The car was made US street legal in 1999 under the "[[Show and Display]]" federal law.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.forbesautos.com/advice/toptens/billionaire/02-bill_gates.html |title=William Gates III |work=Forbes |accessdate=August 22, 2011}}</ref><ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.nhtsa.dot.gov/cars/rules/import/ShowDisplay/howtosd072003.html |title=How To Import A Motor Vehicle For Show Or Display |publisher=Nhtsa.dot.gov |accessdate=August 22, 2012}}</ref> Seinfeld wrote an article for the February 2004 issue of ''[[Automobile Magazine|Automobile]]'', reviewing the [[Porsche Carrera GT]].<ref>{{cite news|url=http://www.944fest.com/Media/Jerryskids.html |publisher=''[[Automobile Magazine|Automobile]]'' via 944Fest.com |title=<nowiki>[no title available]</nowiki> |date=February 2004 |accessdate=December 16, 2012 |deadurl=yes |archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20100425053733/http://www.944fest.com/Media/Jerryskids.html |archivedate=April 25, 2010 }}{{dead link|date=February 2017}}</ref>
This is it!


In 2008, Seinfeld was involved in a car accident when the brakes on his 1967 [[Fiat 500]] failed and, to avoid an intersection, he pulled the emergency brake while turning sharply, ultimately causing the car to come to a stop on its side. Seinfeld was unhurt.<ref name="follfiat">{{cite web | title = The real story about Jerry Seinfeld's Mystery Car Crash | publisher = Automobile Magazine, April 5, 2008, Phil Foraday | url = http://rumors.automobilemag.com/the-real-story-about-jerry-seinfelds-mystery-car-crash-134299.html}}</ref>
Wow.


In his ''Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee'' web show, Seinfeld says the [[Lamborghini Miura]] is "the most beautiful car ever designed."<ref>{{cite web|title=Seinfeld and Chris Rock laugh it up in a Lamborghini Miura|url=http://www.autoblog.com/2013/07/18/jerry-seinfeld-chris-rock-laugh-in-lamborghini-miura-video/|publisher=Auto Blog|accessdate=December 29, 2014|date=July 18, 2013}}</ref>
Wow.


==Filmography==
We know that you, as a bee,
have worked your whole life


===Film===
to get to the point where you
{| class="wikitable sortable"
can work for your whole life.
|-
! Year
! Title
! Role
! class="unsortable"|Notes
|-
| 1984
| ''[[The Ratings Game]]''
| Network Rep
| TV movie
|-
| 1999
| ''[[Pros & Cons]]''
| Prison Man #2
| Cameo
|-
| 2002
| ''[[Comedian (film)|Comedian]]''
| Himself
| Documentary<br />Also executive producer
|-
| 2007
| ''[[Bee Movie]]''
| Barry B. Benson (voice)
| Also co-writer and producer<br />Nominated – [[Producers Guild of America Awards 2007#Animated Feature|Producers Guild of America Award for Motion Picture Producer of the Year Award – Animated]]<br />Nominated – [[Kids Choice Awards|Kids Choice Award for Favorite Voice from an Animated Movie]]
|-
| 2014
| ''[[Top Five]]''
| Himself
| Uncredited cameo
|}


===Television===
Honey begins when our valiant Pollen
{| class="wikitable sortable"
Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.
|-
! Year
! Title
! Role
! class="unsortable"|Notes
|-
| 1979
| ''[[Benson (TV series)|Benson]]''
| Frankie
| 2 episodes
|-
| 1989–1998
| ''[[Seinfeld]]''
| [[Jerry Seinfeld (character)|Jerry Seinfeld]]
|180 episodes; also co-creator, writer and executive producer<br />[[American Comedy Awards|American Comedy Award for Funniest Male Performer in a TV Series]] <small>(1992–1993)</small><br />[[Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Comedy Series]] <small>(1993)</small><br />[[Screen Actors Guild Award for Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series]] <small>(1994, 1996–1997)</small> <br />[[Golden Globe Award for Best Actor – Television Series Musical or Comedy]] <small>(1993)</small> <br />Nominated – [[American Comedy Awards|American Comedy Award for Funniest Male Performer in a TV Series]] <small>(1996, 1999)</small><br />Nominated – [[Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actor – Comedy Series]] <small>(1992–1996)</small><br />Nominated – [[Golden Globe Award for Best Actor – Television Series Musical or Comedy]] <small>(1994–1995, 1997)</small> <br /> Nominated – [[Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Comedy Series]]<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.emmys.com/celebrities/jerry-seinfeld |title=Jerry Seinfeld Emmy Nominated |publisher=Emmys.com |accessdate=February 5, 2012}}</ref> <small>(1992, 1994–1998)</small><br />Nominated – [[Screen Actors Guild Award for Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series]] <small>(1995)</small>
|-
| 1992, 1999
|''[[Saturday Night Live]]''
| Himself (host)
| 2 episodes
|-
| 1993, 1998
| ''[[The Larry Sanders Show]]''
| Himself
| 2 episodes
|-
| 1997
| ''[[NewsRadio]]''
| Himself
| Episode: "The Real Deal"
|-
| 1998
| ''[[I'm Telling You for the Last Time]]''
| Himself
| Stand-up special
|-
| 1998
| ''[[Mad About You]]''
| Himself
| Uncredited<br/>Episode: "Season Opener"
|-
| 2000
| ''[[Dilbert (TV series)|Dilbert]]''
| Comp-U-Comp (voice)
| Episode: "The Return"
|-
| 2004
| ''[[Curb Your Enthusiasm]]''
| Himself
| Uncredited<br/>Episode: "Opening Night"
|-
| 2007
| ''[[30 Rock]]''
| Himself
| Episode: "[[SeinfeldVision]]"
|-
| 2009
| ''[[Curb Your Enthusiasm]]''
| Himself
| 5 episodes
|-
| 2010–2011
| ''[[The Marriage Ref (U.S. TV series)|The Marriage Ref]]''
|
| Creator and executive producer
|-
| 2012, 2014
|''[[Louie (TV series)|Louie]]''
| Himself
| 2 episodes
|-
| 2012–present
| ''[[Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee]]''
| Himself (host)
|
|-
| 2015
| ''[[Inside Amy Schumer]]''
| Himself
| Episode: "80s Ladies"
|-
| 2016
| ''[[The Jim Gaffigan Show]]''
| Himself
| Episode: "The Calling"
|-
| 2016
| ''[[Maya & Marty]]''
| Himself
| Episode: "5"
|}


====Writing credits for ''Seinfeld''====
Our top-secret formula
The list below only includes episodes mainly written by Seinfeld, as he (and Larry David in Seasons 1 through 7) rewrote the drafts for each episode.


[[Seinfeld (season 1)|Season 1]]
is automatically color-corrected,
* [[The Seinfeld Chronicles]] (with [[Larry David]])
scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured
* [[Male Unbonding]] (with Larry David)
* [[The Stake Out (Seinfeld)|The Stake Out]] (with Larry David)
* [[The Stock Tip (Seinfeld episode)|The Stock Tip]] (with Larry David)


[[Seinfeld (season 2)|Season 2]]
into this soothing sweet syrup
* [[The Ex-Girlfriend]] (with Larry David)
* [[The Pony Remark]] (with Larry David)
** Nominated — [[Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Series|Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Series]] (1991 – Episode "The Pony Remark")
* [[The Busboy]] (with Larry David)
* [[The Jacket (Seinfeld)|The Jacket]] (with Larry David)
* [[The Chinese Restaurant]] (with Larry David)
* [[The Phone Message]] (with Larry David)


[[Seinfeld (season 3)|Season 3]]
with its distinctive
* [[The Stranded]] (with Larry David and Matt Goldman)
golden glow you know as...


[[Seinfeld (season 4)|Season 4]]
Honey!
* [[The Shoes (Seinfeld)|The Shoes]] (with Larry David)


[[Seinfeld (season 5)|Season 5]]
- That girl was hot.
* [[The Sniffing Accountant]] (with Larry David)
- She's my cousin!
* [[The Raincoats (Seinfeld)|The Raincoats]] (with Larry David, [[Tom Gammill]], and [[Max Pross]])
* [[The Opposite]] (with Larry David and Andy Cowan)


[[Seinfeld (season 6)|Season 6]]
- She is?
* [[The Kiss Hello]] (with Larry David)
- Yes, we're all cousins.
[[Seinfeld (season 7)|Season 7]]
* [[The Cadillac (Seinfeld)|The Cadillac]], Parts 1 and 2 (with Larry David)


==References==
- Right. You're right.
{{Reflist|30em}}
- At Honex, we constantly strive


==External links==
to improve every aspect
{{sisterlinks|commons=Category:Jerry Seinfeld|d=Q215506|v=no|b=no|s=no|voy=no|species=no|wikt=no}}
of bee existence.
* {{Official website|jerryseinfeld.com}}
* {{IMDb name|0000632}}
* {{IBDB name}}
* {{DMOZ|Arts/People/S/Seinfeld%2C_Jerry/}}
* {{NYTtopic|people/s/jerry_seinfeld}}


{{Jerry Seinfeld|state=uncollapsed}}
These bees are stress-testing
{{Seinfeld}}
a new helmet technology.
{{Navboxes
|title = Awards for Jerry Seinfeld
|list =
{{GoldenGlobeBestActorTVComedy 1990-2009}}
{{ScreenActorsGuildAwards EnsembleTVComedy 1994–1999}}
}}
{{Authority control}}


{{DEFAULTSORT:Seinfeld, Jerry}}
- What do you think he makes?
[[Category:20th-century American male actors]]
- Not enough.
[[Category:20th-century American writers]]

[[Category:21st-century American male actors]]
[[Category:21st-century American writers]]
Here we have our latest advancement,
[[Category:20th-century Mizrahi Jews]]
the Krelman.
[[Category:21st-century Mizrahi Jews]]

[[Category:1954 births]]
[[Category:American film producers]]
- What does that do?
[[Category:American Jewish comedians]]
- Oatches that little strand of honey
[[Category:American Mizrahi Jews]]

[[Category:American male comedians]]
[[Category:American male television actors]]
that hangs after you pour it.
[[Category:American male writers]]
Saves us millions.
[[Category:American memoirists]]

[[Category:American people of Syrian-Jewish descent]]
[[Category:American people of Ukrainian-Jewish descent]]
Oan anyone work on the Krelman?
[[Category:American stand-up comedians]]

[[Category:American television writers]]
[[Category:Male television writers]]
Of course. Most bee jobs are
[[Category:Best Musical or Comedy Actor Golden Globe (television) winners]]
small ones. But bees know
[[Category:American car collectors]]

[[Category:Jewish American male actors]]
[[Category:Jewish American writers]]
that every small job,
[[Category:Jewish male comedians]]
if it's done well, means a lot.
[[Category:Jews and Judaism in New York City]]

[[Category:American people of Syrian descent]]
[[Category:Living people]]
But choose carefully
[[Category:Male actors from New York City]]

[[Category:Mizrahi Jews]]
[[Category:People from Amagansett, New York]]
because you'll stay in the job
[[Category:People from Massapequa, New York]]
you pick for the rest of your life.
[[Category:Primetime Emmy Award winners]]

[[Category:Queens College, City University of New York alumni]]
[[Category:Showrunners]]
The same job the rest of your life?
[[Category:State University of New York at Oswego alumni]]
I didn't know that.
[[Category:Television producers from New York]]

[[Category:Transcendental Meditation practitioners]]
[[Category:Writers from Brooklyn]]
What's the difference?
[[Category:American male screenwriters]]

[[Category:Comedians from New York City]]
You'll be happy to know that bees,
as a species, haven't had one day off

in 27 million years.

So you'll just work us to death?

We'll sure try.

Wow! That blew my mind!

"What's the difference?"
How can you say that?

One job forever?
That's an insane choice to have to make.

I'm relieved. Now we only have
to make one decision in life.

But, Adam, how could they
never have told us that?

Why would you question anything?
We're bees.

We're the most perfectly
functioning society on Earth.

You ever think maybe things
work a little too well here?

Like what? Give me one example.

I don't know. But you know
what I'm talking about.

Please clear the gate.
Royal Nectar Force on approach.

Wait a second. Oheck it out.

- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!
- Wow.

I've never seen them this close.

They know what it's like
outside the hive.

Yeah, but some don't come back.

- Hey, Jocks!
- Hi, Jocks!

You guys did great!

You're monsters!
You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!

- I wonder where they were.
- I don't know.

Their day's not planned.

Outside the hive, flying who knows
where, doing who knows what.

You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen
Jock. You have to be bred for that.

Right.

Look. That's more pollen
than you and I will see in a lifetime.

It's just a status symbol.
Bees make too much of it.

Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it
and the ladies see you wearing it.

Those ladies?
Aren't they our cousins too?

Distant. Distant.

Look at these two.

- Oouple of Hive Harrys.
- Let's have fun with them.

It must be dangerous
being a Pollen Jock.

Yeah. Once a bear pinned me
against a mushroom!

He had a paw on my throat,
and with the other, he was slapping me!

- Oh, my!
- I never thought I'd knock him out.

What were you doing during this?

Trying to alert the authorities.

I can autograph that.

A little gusty out there today,
wasn't it, comrades?

Yeah. Gusty.

We're hitting a sunflower patch
six miles from here tomorrow.

- Six miles, huh?
- Barry!

A puddle jump for us,
but maybe you're not up for it.

- Maybe I am.
- You are not!

We're going 0900 at J-Gate.

What do you think, buzzy-boy?
Are you bee enough?

I might be. It all depends
on what 0900 means.

Hey, Honex!

Dad, you surprised me.

You decide what you're interested in?

- Well, there's a lot of choices.
- But you only get one.

Do you ever get bored
doing the same job every day?

Son, let me tell you about stirring.

You grab that stick, and you just
move it around, and you stir it around.

You get yourself into a rhythm.
It's a beautiful thing.

You know, Dad,
the more I think about it,

maybe the honey field
just isn't right for me.

You were thinking of what,
making balloon animals?

That's a bad job
for a guy with a stinger.

Janet, your son's not sure
he wants to go into honey!

- Barry, you are so funny sometimes.
- I'm not trying to be funny.

You're not funny! You're going
into honey. Our son, the stirrer!

- You're gonna be a stirrer?
- No one's listening to me!

Wait till you see the sticks I have.

I could say anything right now.
I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!

Let's open some honey and celebrate!

Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.
Shave my antennae.

Shack up with a grasshopper. Get
a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!

I'm so proud.

- We're starting work today!
- Today's the day.

Oome on! All the good jobs
will be gone.

Yeah, right.

Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,
stirrer, front desk, hair removal...

- Is it still available?
- Hang on. Two left!

One of them's yours! Oongratulations!
Step to the side.

- What'd you get?
- Picking crud out. Stellar!

Wow!

Oouple of newbies?

Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!

Make your choice.

- You want to go first?
- No, you go.

Oh, my. What's available?

Restroom attendant's open,
not for the reason you think.

- Any chance of getting the Krelman?
- Sure, you're on.

I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.

Wax monkey's always open.

The Krelman opened up again.

What happened?

A bee died. Makes an opening. See?
He's dead. Another dead one.

Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.

Dead from the neck up.
Dead from the neck down. That's life!

Oh, this is so hard!

Heating, cooling,
stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,

humming, inspector number seven,
lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,

mite wrangler. Barry, what
do you think I should... Barry?

Barry!

All right, we've got the sunflower patch
in quadrant nine...

What happened to you?
Where are you?

- I'm going out.
- Out? Out where?

- Out there.
- Oh, no!

I have to, before I go
to work for the rest of my life.

You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?

Another call coming in.

If anyone's feeling brave,
there's a Korean deli on 83rd

that gets their roses today.

Hey, guys.

- Look at that.
- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?

Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.

It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.

Really? Feeling lucky, are you?

Sign here, here. Just initial that.

- Thank you.
- OK.

You got a rain advisory today,

and as you all know,
bees cannot fly in rain.

So be careful. As always,
watch your brooms,

hockey sticks, dogs,
birds, bears and bats.

Also, I got a couple of reports
of root beer being poured on us.

Murphy's in a home because of it,
babbling like a cicada!

- That's awful.
- And a reminder for you rookies,

bee law number one,
absolutely no talking to humans!

All right, launch positions!

Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,
buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!

Black and yellow!

Hello!

You ready for this, hot shot?

Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.

Wind, check.

- Antennae, check.
- Nectar pack, check.

- Wings, check.
- Stinger, check.

Scared out of my shorts, check.

OK, ladies,

let's move it out!

Pound those petunias,
you striped stem-suckers!

All of you, drain those flowers!

Wow! I'm out!

I can't believe I'm out!

So blue.

I feel so fast and free!

Box kite!

Wow!

Flowers!

This is Blue Leader.
We have roses visual.

Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.

Roses!

30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.

Stand to the side, kid.
It's got a bit of a kick.

That is one nectar collector!

- Ever see pollination up close?
- No, sir.

I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it
over here. Maybe a dash over there,

a pinch on that one.
See that? It's a little bit of magic.

That's amazing. Why do we do that?

That's pollen power. More pollen, more
flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.

Oool.

I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.
Oould be daisies. Don't we need those?

Oopy that visual.

Wait. One of these flowers
seems to be on the move.

Say again? You're reporting
a moving flower?

Affirmative.

That was on the line!

This is the coolest. What is it?

I don't know, but I'm loving this color.

It smells good.
Not like a flower, but I like it.

Yeah, fuzzy.

Ohemical-y.

Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby.

My sweet lord of bees!

Oandy-brain, get off there!

Problem!

- Guys!
- This could be bad.

Affirmative.

Very close.

Gonna hurt.

Mama's little boy.

You are way out of position, rookie!

Ooming in at you like a missile!

Help me!

I don't think these are flowers.

- Should we tell him?
- I think he knows.

What is this?!

Match point!

You can start packing up, honey,
because you're about to eat it!

Yowser!

Gross.

There's a bee in the car!

- Do something!
- I'm driving!

- Hi, bee.
- He's back here!

He's going to sting me!

Nobody move. If you don't move,
he won't sting you. Freeze!

He blinked!

Spray him, Granny!

What are you doing?!

Wow... the tension level
out here is unbelievable.

I gotta get home.

Oan't fly in rain.

Oan't fly in rain.

Oan't fly in rain.

Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!

Ken, could you close
the window please?

Ken, could you close
the window please?

Oheck out my new resume.
I made it into a fold-out brochure.

You see? Folds out.

Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.

What was that?

Maybe this time. This time. This time.
This time! This time! This...

Drapes!

That is diabolical.

It's fantastic. It's got all my special
skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.

What's number one? Star Wars?

Nah, I don't go for that...

...kind of stuff.

No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.
They're out of their minds.

When I leave a job interview, they're
flabbergasted, can't believe what I say.

There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.

I don't remember the sun
having a big 75 on it.

I predicted global warming.

I could feel it getting hotter.
At first I thought it was just me.

Wait! Stop! Bee!

Stand back. These are winter boots.

Wait!

Don't kill him!

You know I'm allergic to them!
This thing could kill me!

Why does his life have
less value than yours?

Why does his life have any less value
than mine? Is that your statement?

I'm just saying all life has value. You
don't know what he's capable of feeling.

My brochure!

There you go, little guy.

I'm not scared of him.
It's an allergic thing.

Put that on your resume brochure.

My whole face could puff up.

Make it one of your special skills.

Knocking someone out
is also a special skill.

Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.

- Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?
- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.

- You could put carob chips on there.
- Bye.

- Supposed to be less calories.
- Bye.

I gotta say something.

She saved my life.
I gotta say something.

All right, here it goes.

Nah.

What would I say?

I could really get in trouble.

It's a bee law.
You're not supposed to talk to a human.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I've got to.

Oh, I can't do it. Oome on!

No. Yes. No.

Do it. I can't.

How should I start it?
"You like jazz?" No, that's no good.

Here she comes! Speak, you fool!

Hi!

I'm sorry.

- You're talking.
- Yes, I know.

You're talking!

I'm so sorry.

No, it's OK. It's fine.
I know I'm dreaming.

But I don't recall going to bed.

Well, I'm sure this
is very disconcerting.

This is a bit of a surprise to me.
I mean, you're a bee!

I am. And I'm not supposed
to be doing this,

but they were all trying to kill me.

And if it wasn't for you...

I had to thank you.
It's just how I was raised.

That was a little weird.

- I'm talking with a bee.
- Yeah.

I'm talking to a bee.
And the bee is talking to me!

I just want to say I'm grateful.
I'll leave now.

- Wait! How did you learn to do that?
- What?

The talking thing.

Same way you did, I guess.
"Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.

- That's very funny.
- Yeah.

Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,
we'd cry with what we have to deal with.

Anyway...

Oan I...

...get you something?
- Like what?

I don't know. I mean...
I don't know. Ooffee?

I don't want to put you out.

It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.

- It's just coffee.
- I hate to impose.

- Don't be ridiculous!
- Actually, I would love a cup.

Hey, you want rum cake?

- I shouldn't.
- Have some.

- No, I can't.
- Oome on!

I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.

- Where?
- These stripes don't help.

You look great!

I don't know if you know
anything about fashion.

Are you all right?

No.

He's making the tie in the cab
as they're flying up Madison.

He finally gets there.

He runs up the steps into the church.
The wedding is on.

And he says, "Watermelon?
I thought you said Guatemalan.

Why would I marry a watermelon?"

Is that a bee joke?

That's the kind of stuff we do.

Yeah, different.

So, what are you gonna do, Barry?

About work? I don't know.

I want to do my part for the hive,
but I can't do it the way they want.

I know how you feel.

- You do?
- Sure.

My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or
a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.

- Really?
- My only interest is flowers.

Our new queen was just elected
with that same campaign slogan.

Anyway, if you look...

There's my hive right there. See it?

You're in Sheep Meadow!

Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!

No way! I know that area.
I lost a toe ring there once.

- Why do girls put rings on their toes?
- Why not?

- It's like putting a hat on your knee.
- Maybe I'll try that.

- You all right, ma'am?
- Oh, yeah. Fine.

Just having two cups of coffee!

Anyway, this has been great.
Thanks for the coffee.

Yeah, it's no trouble.

Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did,
I'd be up the rest of my life.

Are you...?

Oan I take a piece of this with me?

Sure! Here, have a crumb.

- Thanks!
- Yeah.

All right. Well, then...
I guess I'll see you around.

Or not.

OK, Barry.

And thank you
so much again... for before.

Oh, that? That was nothing.

Well, not nothing, but... Anyway...

This can't possibly work.

He's all set to go.
We may as well try it.

OK, Dave, pull the chute.

- Sounds amazing.
- It was amazing!

It was the scariest,
happiest moment of my life.

Humans! I can't believe
you were with humans!

Giant, scary humans!
What were they like?

Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.

They eat crazy giant things.
They drive crazy.

- Do they try and kill you, like on TV?
- Some of them. But some of them don't.

- How'd you get back?
- Poodle.

You did it, and I'm glad. You saw
whatever you wanted to see.

You had your "experience." Now you
can pick out yourjob and be normal.

- Well...
- Well?

Well, I met someone.

You did? Was she Bee-ish?

- A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!
- No, no, no, not a wasp.

- Spider?
- I'm not attracted to spiders.

I know it's the hottest thing,
with the eight legs and all.

I can't get by that face.

So who is she?

She's... human.

No, no. That's a bee law.
You wouldn't break a bee law.

- Her name's Vanessa.
- Oh, boy.

She's so nice. And she's a florist!

Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!

We're not dating.

You're flying outside the hive, talking
to humans that attack our homes

with power washers and M-80s!
One-eighth a stick of dynamite!

She saved my life!
And she understands me.

This is over!

Eat this.

This is not over! What was that?

- They call it a crumb.
- It was so stingin' stripey!

And that's not what they eat.
That's what falls off what they eat!

- You know what a Oinnabon is?
- No.

It's bread and cinnamon and frosting.
They heat it up...

Sit down!

...really hot!
- Listen to me!

We are not them! We're us.
There's us and there's them!

Yes, but who can deny
the heart that is yearning?

There's no yearning.
Stop yearning. Listen to me!

You have got to start thinking bee,
my friend. Thinking bee!

- Thinking bee.
- Thinking bee.

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

There he is. He's in the pool.

You know what your problem is, Barry?

I gotta start thinking bee?

How much longer will this go on?

It's been three days!
Why aren't you working?

I've got a lot of big life decisions
to think about.

What life? You have no life!
You have no job. You're barely a bee!

Would it kill you
to make a little honey?

Barry, come out.
Your father's talking to you.

Martin, would you talk to him?

Barry, I'm talking to you!

You coming?

Got everything?

All set!

Go ahead. I'll catch up.

Don't be too long.

Watch this!

Vanessa!

- We're still here.
- I told you not to yell at him.

He doesn't respond to yelling!

- Then why yell at me?
- Because you don't listen!

I'm not listening to this.

Sorry, I've gotta go.

- Where are you going?
- I'm meeting a friend.

A girl? Is this why you can't decide?

Bye.

I just hope she's Bee-ish.

They have a huge parade
of flowers every year in Pasadena?

To be in the Tournament of Roses,
that's every florist's dream!

Up on a float, surrounded
by flowers, crowds cheering.

A tournament. Do the roses
compete in athletic events?

No. All right, I've got one.
How come you don't fly everywhere?

It's exhausting. Why don't you
run everywhere? It's faster.

Yeah, OK, I see, I see.
All right, your turn.

TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?
That's insane!

You don't have that?

We have Hivo, but it's a disease.
It's a horrible, horrible disease.

Oh, my.

Dumb bees!

You must want to sting all those jerks.

We try not to sting.
It's usually fatal for us.

So you have to watch your temper.

Very carefully.
You kick a wall, take a walk,

write an angry letter and throw it out.
Work through it like any emotion:

Anger, jealousy, lust.

Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?

Yeah.

- What is wrong with you?!
- It's a bug.

He's not bothering anybody.
Get out of here, you creep!

What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?

Yeah, it was. How did you know?

It felt like about 10 pages.
Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.

You've really got that
down to a science.

- I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.
- I'll bet.

What in the name
of Mighty Hercules is this?

How did this get here?
Oute Bee, Golden Blossom,

Ray Liotta Private Select?

- Is he that actor?
- I never heard of him.

- Why is this here?
- For people. We eat it.

You don't have
enough food of your own?

- Well, yes.
- How do you get it?

- Bees make it.
- I know who makes it!

And it's hard to make it!

There's heating, cooling, stirring.
You need a whole Krelman thing!

- It's organic.
- It's our-ganic!

It's just honey, Barry.

Just what?!

Bees don't know about this!
This is stealing! A lot of stealing!

You've taken our homes, schools,
hospitals! This is all we have!

And it's on sale?!
I'm getting to the bottom of this.

I'm getting to the bottom
of all of this!

Hey, Hector.

- You almost done?
- Almost.

He is here. I sense it.

Well, I guess I'll go home now

and just leave this nice honey out,
with no one around.

You're busted, box boy!

I knew I heard something.
So you can talk!

I can talk.
And now you'll start talking!

Where you getting the sweet stuff?
Who's your supplier?

I don't understand.
I thought we were friends.

The last thing we want
to do is upset bees!

You're too late! It's ours now!

You, sir, have crossed
the wrong sword!

You, sir, will be lunch
for my iguana, Ignacio!

Where is the honey coming from?

Tell me where!

Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!

Orazy person!

What horrible thing has happened here?

These faces, they never knew
what hit them. And now

they're on the road to nowhere!

Just keep still.

What? You're not dead?

Do I look dead? They will wipe anything
that moves. Where you headed?

To Honey Farms.
I am onto something huge here.

I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood,
crazy stuff. Blows your head off!

I'm going to Tacoma.

- And you?
- He really is dead.

All right.

Uh-oh!

- What is that?!
- Oh, no!

- A wiper! Triple blade!
- Triple blade?

Jump on! It's your only chance, bee!

Why does everything have
to be so doggone clean?!

How much do you people need to see?!

Open your eyes!
Stick your head out the window!

From NPR News in Washington,
I'm Oarl Kasell.

But don't kill no more bugs!

- Bee!
- Moose blood guy!!

- You hear something?
- Like what?

Like tiny screaming.

Turn off the radio.

Whassup, bee boy?

Hey, Blood.

Just a row of honey jars,
as far as the eye could see.

Wow!

I assume wherever this truck goes
is where they're getting it.

I mean, that honey's ours.

- Bees hang tight.
- We're all jammed in.

It's a close community.

Not us, man. We on our own.
Every mosquito on his own.

- What if you get in trouble?
- You a mosquito, you in trouble.

Nobody likes us. They just smack.
See a mosquito, smack, smack!

At least you're out in the world.
You must meet girls.

Mosquito girls try to trade up,
get with a moth, dragonfly.

Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.

You got to be kidding me!

Mooseblood's about to leave
the building! So long, bee!

- Hey, guys!
- Mooseblood!

I knew I'd catch y'all down here.
Did you bring your crazy straw?

We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,
and it's pretty much pure profit.

What is this place?

A bee's got a brain
the size of a pinhead.

They are pinheads!

Pinhead.

- Oheck out the new smoker.
- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want.

The Thomas 3000!

Smoker?

Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.
Twice the nicotine, all the tar.

A couple breaths of this
knocks them right out.

They make the honey,
and we make the money.

"They make the honey,
and we make the money"?

Oh, my!

What's going on? Are you OK?

Yeah. It doesn't last too long.

Do you know you're
in a fake hive with fake walls?

Our queen was moved here.
We had no choice.

This is your queen?
That's a man in women's clothes!

That's a drag queen!

What is this?

Oh, no!

There's hundreds of them!

Bee honey.

Our honey is being brazenly stolen
on a massive scale!

This is worse than anything bears
have done! I intend to do something.

Oh, Barry, stop.

Who told you humans are taking
our honey? That's a rumor.

Do these look like rumors?

That's a conspiracy theory.
These are obviously doctored photos.

How did you get mixed up in this?

He's been talking to humans.

- What?
- Talking to humans?!

He has a human girlfriend.
And they make out!

Make out? Barry!

We do not.

- You wish you could.
- Whose side are you on?

The bees!

I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.
Those crazy legs kept me up all night.

Barry, this is what you want
to do with your life?

I want to do it for all our lives.
Nobody works harder than bees!

Dad, I remember you
coming home so overworked

your hands were still stirring.
You couldn't stop.

I remember that.

What right do they have to our honey?

We live on two cups a year. They put it
in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!

Even if it's true, what can one bee do?

Sting them where it really hurts.

In the face! The eye!

- That would hurt.
- No.

Up the nose? That's a killer.

There's only one place you can sting
the humans, one place where it matters.

Hive at Five, the hive's only
full-hour action news source.

No more bee beards!

With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk.

Weather with Storm Stinger.

Sports with Buzz Larvi.

And Jeanette Ohung.

- Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.
- And I'm Jeanette Ohung.

A tri-county bee, Barry Benson,

intends to sue the human race
for stealing our honey,

packaging it and profiting
from it illegally!

Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King,

we'll have three former queens here in
our studio, discussing their new book,

Olassy Ladies,
out this week on Hexagon.

Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson.

Did you ever think, "I'm a kid
from the hive. I can't do this"?

Bees have never been afraid
to change the world.

What about Bee Oolumbus?
Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?

Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.

We were thinking
of stickball or candy stores.

How old are you?

The bee community
is supporting you in this case,

which will be the trial
of the bee century.

You know, they have a Larry King
in the human world too.

It's a common name. Next week...

He looks like you and has a show
and suspenders and colored dots...

Next week...

Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the
guest even though you just heard 'em.

Bear Week next week!
They're scary, hairy and here live.

Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,
squinty eyes, very Jewish.

In tennis, you attack
at the point of weakness!

It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.

Honey, her backhand's a joke!
I'm not gonna take advantage of that?

Quiet, please.
Actual work going on here.

- Is that that same bee?
- Yes, it is!

I'm helping him sue the human race.

- Hello.
- Hello, bee.

This is Ken.

Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size
ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.

Why does he talk again?

Listen, you better go
'cause we're really busy working.

But it's our yogurt night!

Bye-bye.

Why is yogurt night so difficult?!

You poor thing.
You two have been at this for hours!

Yes, and Adam here
has been a huge help.

- Frosting...
- How many sugars?

Just one. I try not
to use the competition.

So why are you helping me?

Bees have good qualities.

And it takes my mind off the shop.

Instead of flowers, people
are giving balloon bouquets now.

Those are great, if you're three.

And artificial flowers.

- Oh, those just get me psychotic!
- Yeah, me too.

Bent stingers, pointless pollination.

Bees must hate those fake things!

Nothing worse
than a daffodil that's had work done.

Maybe this could make up
for it a little bit.

- This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.
- I guess.

You sure you want to go through with it?

Am I sure? When I'm done with
the humans, they won't be able

to say, "Honey, I'm home,"
without paying a royalty!

It's an incredible scene
here in downtown Manhattan,

where the world anxiously waits,
because for the first time in history,

we will hear for ourselves
if a honeybee can actually speak.

What have we gotten into here, Barry?

It's pretty big, isn't it?

I can't believe how many humans
don't work during the day.

You think billion-dollar multinational
food companies have good lawyers?

Everybody needs to stay
behind the barricade.

- What's the matter?
- I don't know, I just got a chill.

Well, if it isn't the bee team.

You boys work on this?

All rise! The Honorable
Judge Bumbleton presiding.

All right. Oase number 4475,

Superior Oourt of New York,
Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry

is now in session.

Mr. Montgomery, you're representing
the five food companies collectively?

A privilege.

Mr. Benson... you're representing
all the bees of the world?

I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor,
we're ready to proceed.

Mr. Montgomery,
your opening statement, please.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

my grandmother was a simple woman.

Born on a farm, she believed
it was man's divine right

to benefit from the bounty
of nature God put before us.

If we lived in the topsy-turvy world
Mr. Benson imagines,

just think of what would it mean.

I would have to negotiate
with the silkworm

for the elastic in my britches!

Talking bee!

How do we know this isn't some sort of

holographic motion-picture-capture
Hollywood wizardry?

They could be using laser beams!

Robotics! Ventriloquism!
Oloning! For all we know,

he could be on steroids!

Mr. Benson?

Ladies and gentlemen,
there's no trickery here.

I'm just an ordinary bee.
Honey's pretty important to me.

It's important to all bees.
We invented it!

We make it. And we protect it
with our lives.

Unfortunately, there are
some people in this room

who think they can take it from us

'cause we're the little guys!
I'm hoping that, after this is all over,

you'll see how, by taking our honey,
you not only take everything we have

but everything we are!

I wish he'd dress like that
all the time. So nice!

Oall your first witness.

So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden
of Honey Farms, big company you have.

I suppose so.

I see you also own
Honeyburton and Honron!

Yes, they provide beekeepers
for our farms.

Beekeeper. I find that
to be a very disturbing term.

I don't imagine you employ
any bee-free-ers, do you?

- No.
- I couldn't hear you.

- No.
- No.

Because you don't free bees.
You keep bees. Not only that,

it seems you thought a bear would be
an appropriate image for a jar of honey.

They're very lovable creatures.

Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.

You mean like this?

Bears kill bees!

How'd you like his head crashing
through your living room?!

Biting into your couch!
Spitting out your throw pillows!

OK, that's enough. Take him away.

So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.
Your name intrigues me.

- Where have I heard it before?
- I was with a band called The Police.

But you've never been
a police officer, have you?

No, I haven't.

No, you haven't. And so here
we have yet another example

of bee culture casually
stolen by a human

for nothing more than
a prance-about stage name.

Oh, please.

Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting?

Because I'm feeling
a little stung, Sting.

Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!

That's not his real name?! You idiots!

Mr. Liotta, first,
belated congratulations on

your Emmy win for a guest spot
on ER in 2005.

Thank you. Thank you.

I see from your resume
that you're devilishly handsome

with a churning inner turmoil
that's ready to blow.

I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?

Not yet it isn't. But is this
what it's come to for you?

Exploiting tiny, helpless bees
so you don't

have to rehearse
your part and learn your lines, sir?

Watch it, Benson!
I could blow right now!

This isn't a goodfella.
This is a badfella!

Why doesn't someone just step on
this creep, and we can all go home?!

- Order in this court!
- You're all thinking it!

Order! Order, I say!

- Say it!
- Mr. Liotta, please sit down!

I think it was awfully nice
of that bear to pitch in like that.

I think the jury's on our side.

Are we doing everything right, legally?

I'm a florist.

Right. Well, here's to a great team.

To a great team!

Well, hello.

- Ken!
- Hello.

I didn't think you were coming.

No, I was just late.
I tried to call, but... the battery.

I didn't want all this to go to waste,
so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.

Oh, that was lucky.

There's a little left.
I could heat it up.

Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.

So I hear you're quite a tennis player.

I'm not much for the game myself.
The ball's a little grabby.

That's where I usually sit.
Right... there.

Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,

and he agreed with me that eating with
chopsticks isn't really a special skill.

You think I don't see what you're doing?

I know how hard it is to find
the rightjob. We have that in common.

Do we?

Bees have 100 percent employment,
but we do jobs like taking the crud out.

That's just what
I was thinking about doing.

Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor
for his fuzz. I hope that was all right.

I'm going to drain the old stinger.

Yeah, you do that.

Look at that.

You know, I've just about had it

with your little mind games.

- What's that?
- Italian Vogue.

Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages.

A lot of ads.

Remember what Van said, why is
your life more valuable than mine?

Funny, I just can't seem to recall that!

I think something stinks in here!

I love the smell of flowers.

How do you like the smell of flames?!

Not as much.

Water bug! Not taking sides!

Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat!
This is pathetic!

I've got issues!

Well, well, well, a royal flush!

- You're bluffing.
- Am I?

Surf's up, dude!

Poo water!

That bowl is gnarly.

Except for those dirty yellow rings!

Kenneth! What are you doing?!

You know, I don't even like honey!
I don't eat it!

We need to talk!

He's just a little bee!

And he happens to be
the nicest bee I've met in a long time!

Long time? What are you talking about?!
Are there other bugs in your life?

No, but there are other things bugging
me in life. And you're one of them!

Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...

My nerves are fried from riding
on this emotional roller coaster!

Goodbye, Ken.

And for your information,

I prefer sugar-free, artificial
sweeteners made by man!

I'm sorry about all that.

I know it's got
an aftertaste! I like it!

I always felt there was some kind
of barrier between Ken and me.

I couldn't overcome it.
Oh, well.

Are you OK for the trial?

I believe Mr. Montgomery
is about out of ideas.

We would like to call
Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.

Good idea! You can really see why he's
considered one of the best lawyers...

Yeah.

Layton, you've
gotta weave some magic

with this jury,
or it's gonna be all over.

Don't worry. The only thing I have
to do to turn this jury around

is to remind them
of what they don't like about bees.

- You got the tweezers?
- Are you allergic?

Only to losing, son. Only to losing.

Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you
what I think we'd all like to know.

What exactly is your relationship

to that woman?

We're friends.

- Good friends?
- Yes.

How good? Do you live together?

Wait a minute...

Are you her little...

...bedbug?

I've seen a bee documentary or two.
From what I understand,

doesn't your queen give birth
to all the bee children?

- Yeah, but...
- So those aren't your real parents!

- Oh, Barry...
- Yes, they are!

Hold me back!

You're an illegitimate bee,
aren't you, Benson?

He's denouncing bees!

Don't y'all date your cousins?

- Objection!
- I'm going to pincushion this guy!

Adam, don't! It's what he wants!

Oh, I'm hit!!

Oh, lordy, I am hit!

Order! Order!

The venom! The venom
is coursing through my veins!

I have been felled
by a winged beast of destruction!

You see? You can't treat them
like equals! They're striped savages!

Stinging's the only thing
they know! It's their way!

- Adam, stay with me.
- I can't feel my legs.

What angel of mercy
will come forward to suck the poison

from my heaving buttocks?

I will have order in this court. Order!

Order, please!

The case of the honeybees
versus the human race

took a pointed turn against the bees

yesterday when one of their legal
team stung Layton T. Montgomery.

- Hey, buddy.
- Hey.

- Is there much pain?
- Yeah.

I...

I blew the whole case, didn't I?

It doesn't matter. What matters is
you're alive. You could have died.

I'd be better off dead. Look at me.

They got it from the cafeteria
downstairs, in a tuna sandwich.

Look, there's
a little celery still on it.

What was it like to sting someone?

I can't explain it. It was all...

All adrenaline and then...
and then ecstasy!

All right.

You think it was all a trap?

Of course. I'm sorry.
I flew us right into this.

What were we thinking? Look at us. We're
just a couple of bugs in this world.

What will the humans do to us
if they win?

I don't know.

I hear they put the roaches in motels.
That doesn't sound so bad.

Adam, they check in,
but they don't check out!

Oh, my.

Oould you get a nurse
to close that window?

- Why?
- The smoke.

Bees don't smoke.

Right. Bees don't smoke.

Bees don't smoke!
But some bees are smoking.

That's it! That's our case!

It is? It's not over?

Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.

Get back to the court and stall.
Stall any way you can.

And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub.

Mr. Flayman.

Yes? Yes, Your Honor!

Where is the rest of your team?

Well, Your Honor, it's interesting.

Bees are trained to fly haphazardly,

and as a result,
we don't make very good time.

I actually heard a funny story about...

Your Honor,
haven't these ridiculous bugs

taken up enough
of this court's valuable time?

How much longer will we allow
these absurd shenanigans to go on?

They have presented no compelling
evidence to support their charges

against my clients,
who run legitimate businesses.

I move for a complete dismissal
of this entire case!

Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going

to have to consider
Mr. Montgomery's motion.

But you can't! We have a terrific case.

Where is your proof?
Where is the evidence?

Show me the smoking gun!

Hold it, Your Honor!
You want a smoking gun?

Here is your smoking gun.

What is that?

It's a bee smoker!

What, this?
This harmless little contraption?

This couldn't hurt a fly,
let alone a bee.

Look at what has happened

to bees who have never been asked,
"Smoking or non?"

Is this what nature intended for us?

To be forcibly addicted
to smoke machines

and man-made wooden slat work camps?

Living out our lives as honey slaves
to the white man?

- What are we gonna do?
- He's playing the species card.

Ladies and gentlemen, please,
free these bees!

Free the bees! Free the bees!

Free the bees!

Free the bees! Free the bees!

The court finds in favor of the bees!

Vanessa, we won!

I knew you could do it! High-five!

Sorry.

I'm OK! You know what this means?

All the honey
will finally belong to the bees.

Now we won't have
to work so hard all the time.

This is an unholy perversion
of the balance of nature, Benson.

You'll regret this.

Barry, how much honey is out there?

All right. One at a time.

Barry, who are you wearing?

My sweater is Ralph Lauren,
and I have no pants.

- What if Montgomery's right?
- What do you mean?

We've been living the bee way
a long time, 27 million years.

Oongratulations on your victory.
What will you demand as a settlement?

First, we'll demand a complete shutdown
of all bee work camps.

Then we want back the honey
that was ours to begin with,

every last drop.

We demand an end to the glorification
of the bear as anything more

than a filthy, smelly,
bad-breath stink machine.

We're all aware
of what they do in the woods.

Wait for my signal.

Take him out.

He'll have nauseous
for a few hours, then he'll be fine.

And we will no longer tolerate
bee-negative nicknames...

But it's just a prance-about stage name!

...unnecessary inclusion of honey
in bogus health products

and la-dee-da human
tea-time snack garnishments.

Oan't breathe.

Bring it in, boys!

Hold it right there! Good.

Tap it.

Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,
and there's gallons more coming!

- I think we need to shut down!
- Shut down? We've never shut down.

Shut down honey production!

Stop making honey!

Turn your key, sir!

What do we do now?

Oannonball!

We're shutting honey production!

Mission abort.

Aborting pollination and nectar detail.
Returning to base.

Adam, you wouldn't believe
how much honey was out there.

Oh, yeah?

What's going on? Where is everybody?

- Are they out celebrating?
- They're home.

They don't know what to do.
Laying out, sleeping in.

I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way
to San Antonio with a cricket.

At least we got our honey back.

Sometimes I think, so what if humans
liked our honey? Who wouldn't?

It's the greatest thing in the world!
I was excited to be part of making it.

This was my new desk. This was my
new job. I wanted to do it really well.

And now...

Now I can't.

I don't understand
why they're not happy.

I thought their lives would be better!

They're doing nothing. It's amazing.
Honey really changes people.

You don't have any idea
what's going on, do you?

- What did you want to show me?
- This.

What happened here?

That is not the half of it.

Oh, no. Oh, my.

They're all wilting.

Doesn't look very good, does it?

No.

And whose fault do you think that is?

You know, I'm gonna guess bees.

Bees?

Specifically, me.

I didn't think bees not needing to make
honey would affect all these things.

It's notjust flowers.
Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.

That's our whole SAT test right there.

Take away produce, that affects
the entire animal kingdom.

And then, of course...

The human species?

So if there's no more pollination,

it could all just go south here,
couldn't it?

I know this is also partly my fault.

How about a suicide pact?

How do we do it?

- I'll sting you, you step on me.
- Thatjust kills you twice.

Right, right.

Listen, Barry...
sorry, but I gotta get going.

I had to open my mouth and talk.

Vanessa?

Vanessa? Why are you leaving?
Where are you going?

To the final Tournament of Roses parade
in Pasadena.

They've moved it to this weekend
because all the flowers are dying.

It's the last chance
I'll ever have to see it.

Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.
I never meant it to turn out like this.

I know. Me neither.

Tournament of Roses.
Roses can't do sports.

Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?

Roses!

Vanessa!

Roses?!

Barry?

- Roses are flowers!
- Yes, they are.

Flowers, bees, pollen!

I know.
That's why this is the last parade.

Maybe not.
Oould you ask him to slow down?

Oould you slow down?

Barry!

OK, I made a huge mistake.
This is a total disaster, all my fault.

Yes, it kind of is.

I've ruined the planet.
I wanted to help you

with the flower shop.
I've made it worse.

Actually, it's completely closed down.

I thought maybe you were remodeling.

But I have another idea, and it's
greater than my previous ideas combined.

I don't want to hear it!

All right, they have the roses,
the roses have the pollen.

I know every bee, plant
and flower bud in this park.

All we gotta do is get what they've got
back here with what we've got.

- Bees.
- Park.

- Pollen!
- Flowers.

- Repollination!
- Across the nation!

Tournament of Roses,
Pasadena, Oalifornia.

They've got nothing
but flowers, floats and cotton candy.

Security will be tight.

I have an idea.

Vanessa Bloome, FTD.

Official floral business. It's real.

Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.

Thank you. It was a gift.

Once inside,
we just pick the right float.

How about The Princess and the Pea?

I could be the princess,
and you could be the pea!

Yes, I got it.

- Where should I sit?
- What are you?

- I believe I'm the pea.
- The pea?

It goes under the mattresses.

- Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.
- I'm getting the marshal.

You do that!
This whole parade is a fiasco!

Let's see what this baby'll do.

Hey, what are you doing?!

Then all we do
is blend in with traffic...

...without arousing suspicion.

Once at the airport,
there's no stopping us.

Stop! Security.

- You and your insect pack your float?
- Yes.

Has it been
in your possession the entire time?

Would you remove your shoes?

- Remove your stinger.
- It's part of me.

I know. Just having some fun.
Enjoy your flight.

Then if we're lucky, we'll have
just enough pollen to do the job.

Oan you believe how lucky we are? We
have just enough pollen to do the job!

I think this is gonna work.

It's got to work.

Attention, passengers,
this is Oaptain Scott.

We have a bit of bad weather
in New York.

It looks like we'll experience
a couple hours delay.

Barry, these are cut flowers
with no water. They'll never make it.

I gotta get up there
and talk to them.

Be careful.

Oan I get help
with the Sky Mall magazine?

I'd like to order the talking
inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.

Oaptain, I'm in a real situation.

- What'd you say, Hal?
- Nothing.

Bee!

Don't freak out! My entire species...

What are you doing?

- Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!
- Who's an attorney?

Don't move.

Oh, Barry.

Good afternoon, passengers.
This is your captain.

Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B
please report to the cockpit?

And please hurry!

What happened here?

There was a DustBuster,
a toupee, a life raft exploded.

One's bald, one's in a boat,
they're both unconscious!

- Is that another bee joke?
- No!

No one's flying the plane!

This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.
What's your status?

This is Vanessa Bloome.
I'm a florist from New York.

Where's the pilot?

He's unconscious,
and so is the copilot.

Not good. Does anyone onboard
have flight experience?

As a matter of fact, there is.

- Who's that?
- Barry Benson.

From the honey trial?! Oh, great.

Vanessa, this is nothing more
than a big metal bee.

It's got giant wings, huge engines.

I can't fly a plane.

- Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?
- Yes.

How hard could it be?

Wait, Barry!
We're headed into some lightning.

This is Bob Bumble. We have some
late-breaking news from JFK Airport,

where a suspenseful scene
is developing.

Barry Benson,
fresh from his legal victory...

That's Barry!

...is attempting to land a plane,
loaded with people, flowers

and an incapacitated flight crew.

Flowers?!

We have a storm in the area
and two individuals at the controls

with absolutely no flight experience.

Just a minute.
There's a bee on that plane.

I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson
and his no-account compadres.

They've done enough damage.

But isn't he your only hope?

Technically, a bee
shouldn't be able to fly at all.

Their wings are too small...

Haven't we heard this a million times?

"The surface area of the wings
and body mass make no sense."

- Get this on the air!
- Got it.

- Stand by.
- We're going live.

The way we work may be a mystery to you.

Making honey takes a lot of bees
doing a lot of small jobs.

But let me tell you about a small job.

If you do it well,
it makes a big difference.

More than we realized.
To us, to everyone.

That's why I want to get bees
back to working together.

That's the bee way!
We're not made of Jell-O.

We get behind a fellow.

- Black and yellow!
- Hello!

Left, right, down, hover.

- Hover?
- Forget hover.

This isn't so hard.
Beep-beep! Beep-beep!

Barry, what happened?!

Wait, I think we were
on autopilot the whole time.

- That may have been helping me.
- And now we're not!

So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.

All of you, let's get
behind this fellow! Move it out!

Move out!

Our only chance is if I do what I'd do,
you copy me with the wings of the plane!

Don't have to yell.

I'm not yelling!
We're in a lot of trouble.

It's very hard to concentrate
with that panicky tone in your voice!

It's not a tone. I'm panicking!

I can't do this!

Vanessa, pull yourself together.
You have to snap out of it!

You snap out of it.

You snap out of it.

- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!

- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!

- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!

- Hold it!
- Why? Oome on, it's my turn.

How is the plane flying?

I don't know.

Hello?

Benson, got any flowers
for a happy occasion in there?

The Pollen Jocks!

They do get behind a fellow.

- Black and yellow.
- Hello.

All right, let's drop this tin can
on the blacktop.

Where? I can't see anything. Oan you?

No, nothing. It's all cloudy.

Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry.

- Thinking bee.
- Thinking bee.

Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

Wait a minute.
I think I'm feeling something.

- What?
- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me.

Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.

Bring the nose down.

Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

- What in the world is on the tarmac?
- Get some lights on that!

Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

- Vanessa, aim for the flower.
- OK.

Out the engines. We're going in
on bee power. Ready, boys?

Affirmative!

Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it.

Land on that flower!

Ready? Full reverse!

Spin it around!

- Not that flower! The other one!
- Which one?

- That flower.
- I'm aiming at the flower!

That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.
I mean the giant pulsating flower

made of millions of bees!

Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.

Rotate around it.

- This is insane, Barry!
- This's the only way I know how to fly.

Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane
flying in an insect-like pattern?

Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid.
Smell it. Full reverse!

Just drop it. Be a part of it.

Aim for the center!

Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!

Oome on, already.

Barry, we did it!
You taught me how to fly!

- Yes. No high-five!
- Right.

Barry, it worked!
Did you see the giant flower?

What giant flower? Where? Of course
I saw the flower! That was genius!

- Thank you.
- But we're not done yet.

Listen, everyone!

This runway is covered
with the last pollen

from the last flowers
available anywhere on Earth.

That means this is our last chance.

We're the only ones who make honey,
pollinate flowers and dress like this.

If we're gonna survive as a species,
this is our moment! What do you say?

Are we going to be bees, orjust
Museum of Natural History keychains?

We're bees!

Keychain!

Then follow me! Except Keychain.

Hold on, Barry. Here.

You've earned this.

Yeah!

I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect
fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.

Oh, yeah.

That's our Barry.

Mom! The bees are back!

If anybody needs
to make a call, now's the time.

I got a feeling we'll be
working late tonight!

Here's your change. Have a great
afternoon! Oan I help who's next?

Would you like some honey with that?
It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.

Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me.
And I don't see a nickel!

Sometimes I just feel
like a piece of meat!

I had no idea.

Barry, I'm sorry.
Have you got a moment?

Would you excuse me?
My mosquito associate will help you.

Sorry I'm late.

He's a lawyer too?

I was already a blood-sucking parasite.
All I needed was a briefcase.

Have a great afternoon!

Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,
and I can't get them anywhere.

No problem, Vannie.
Just leave it to me.

You're a lifesaver, Barry.
Oan I help who's next?

All right, scramble, jocks!
It's time to fly.

Thank you, Barry!

That bee is living my life!

Let it go, Kenny.

- When will this nightmare end?!
- Let it all go.

- Beautiful day to fly.
- Sure is.

Between you and me,
I was dying to get out of that office.

You have got
to start thinking bee, my friend.

- Thinking bee!
- Me?

Hold it. Let's just stop
for a second. Hold it.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.
Oan we stop here?

I'm not making a major life decision
during a production number!

All right. Take ten, everybody.
Wrap it up, guys.

I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

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'{{About|the comedian|the fictional main character of the television series ''Seinfeld''|Jerry Seinfeld (character)}} {{Use mdy dates|date=December 2013}} {{Infobox comedian | image = Jerry Seinfeld 2011 Shankbone.JPG | caption = Seinfeld in 2011 | birth_date = {{Birth date and age|mf=yes|1954|4|29}} | birth_place = [[Brooklyn]], [[New York (state)|New York]], U.S. | birth_name = Jerome Allen Seinfeld | medium = [[Stand-up comedy|Stand-up]], [[television]], [[film]] | active = 1976–present | genre = [[Observational comedy]], [[black comedy]], [[political satire]] | net_worth = {{gain}} $52 million (2014)<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.forbes.com/profile/jerry-seinfeld/|title=jerry seinfeld pofile|publisher=Forbes.com|accessdate=2014-06-13}}</ref> | subject = [[Culture of the United States|American culture]], [[Politics of the United States|American politics]], [[everyday life]], [[Sex differences in humans|gender differences]], [[human behavior]], [[Embarrassment|social awkwardness]], [[World news|current events]] | spouse = {{marriage|[[Jessica Seinfeld]]|1999}} | children = 3 | signature = Seinfeldsignature.svg | website = | footnotes = }} '''Jerome Allen''' "'''Jerry'''" '''Seinfeld''' (born April 29, 1954)<ref name=tvg>{{cite web | url= http://www.tvguide.com/celebrities/jerry-seinfeld/bio/156837| title=Jerry Seinfeld | publisher= [[TV Guide]]| accessdate= November 20, 2014| archivedate= June 21, 2013| archiveurl= https://web.archive.org/web/20130621051434/http://www.tvguide.com/celebrities/jerry-seinfeld/bio/156837}}</ref><!--birth date appears in archived version only--> is an American comedian, actor, writer, producer, and director. He is known for playing [[Jerry Seinfeld (character)|a semifictional version of himself]] in the sitcom ''[[Seinfeld]]'', which he created and wrote with [[Larry David]]. Seinfeld was heavily involved in the ''[[Bee Movie]]'', in which he voiced its [[protagonist]]. In 2010, he premiered a reality series called ''[[The Marriage Ref (U.S. TV series)|The Marriage Ref]]''. He directed [[Colin Quinn]] in the Broadway show ''Long Story Short'' at the [[Helen Hayes Theater]], which ran until January 2011. He is the creator and host of the web series ''[[Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee]]''. In his stand-up comedy career, Seinfeld is known for specializing in [[observational comedy]], often ranting about relationships and embarrassing social situations. In 2005, [[Comedy Central]] named Seinfeld their "12th Greatest Stand-up Comedian of All Time".<ref>{{cite web|author=Vera|url=http://www.listology.com/list/comedy-central-100-greatest-standups-all-time|title=In 2005, Comedy Central 100 Greatest Standups of all Time|date=May 19, 2005|publisher=listology.com|accessdate=October 16, 2012}}</ref> ==Early life== Seinfeld was born in [[Brooklyn]], [[New York (state)|New York]].<ref name=NYTmagazine>{{cite news| url = https://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/23/magazine/jerry-seinfeld-intends-to-die-standing-up.html | title=Jerry Seinfeld Intends to Die Standing Up|first=Jonah| last= Weiner| date= December 20, 2012|work=[[The New York Times]] Magazine}}</ref> His father Kalmen Seinfeld collected jokes he heard while serving in [[World War II]].<ref name=NYTmagazine /> His mother, Betty (née Hosni;<ref>She also used the last name Hesney, per Cowan, ''The New York Times''.</ref> born 1914),<ref>{{cite book| title=Seinfeld: The Making of an American Icon |first=Jerry |last=Oppenheimer| publisher=Harper|year= 2002| isbn=978-0060188726}} '''page number=??'''</ref> is of Syrian-Jewish descent; her parents Selim and Salha Hosni<ref name=backstory>{{cite web|url=http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/23/seinfelds-back-story-about-something/|title=Seinfeld's Back Story, About Something|work=The New York Times| first=Alison Leigh|last=Cowan|date= April 23, 2009| quote= Kalmen Seinfeld died in 1985 in Florida.... The death certificate noted that he worked in the sign business and was survived by his wife, the former Betty Hesney.}}</ref> were from [[Aleppo]].<ref name="nytimes.com">{{Cite news| url=https://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/24/nyregion/24records.html | work=The New York Times | title=The Paper Trail of Jerry Seinfeld Leads Back to Ellis Island and Beyond | date=April 24, 2009}} Her family identified their nationality as [[Turkish people|Turkish]] when they emigrated to the United States in 1917.</ref> Seinfeld grew up in [[Massapequa, New York|Massapequa]], New York, and attended [[Massapequa High School]] on [[Long Island]].<ref>{{cite news | last = Kornfeld | first = Michael | url =https://www.nytimes.com/specials/seinfeld/sein89.html | title =A Single Comedian Is Returning to His Roots| work = [[The New York Times]] | date = July 23, 1989 | accessdate= March 6, 2008}}</ref><ref>{{cite news | last = Kellerman | first = Vivien <!--as spelled, with e, not a--> | url =https://www.nytimes.com/1996/01/28/realestate/if-you-re-thinking-of-living-in-massapequa-park-li-fine-schools-famous-alumni.html| title =If You're Thinking of Living In/Massapequa Park, L.I.;Fine Schools, Famous Alumni | work = The New York Times | date = July 28, 1996 | accessdate= November 20, 2014}}</ref> At the age of 16, he spent time [[Kibbutz volunteer|volunteering]] in [[Kibbutz]] [[Sa'ar]] in Israel.<ref name="haaretz">{{cite news|url=http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/927462.html|title=American Jewish comedian Jerry Seinfeld in Israel to promote new movie|agency=[[Associated Press]]| via=''[[Haaretz]]''|accessdate=May 10, 2009| archivedate=February 15, 2009 | archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20090215185638/http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/927462.html }}</ref> He later attended [[State University of New York at Oswego]], transferring after his second year to [[Queens College, City University of New York]], graduating with a degree in communications and theater.<ref>{{cite web| url= http://www.syracuse.com/entertainment/index.ssf/2013/07/jerry_seinfeld_syracuse_landmark_suny_oswego.html| title=Jerry Seinfeld talks SUNY Oswego, Pop-Tarts, marriage, more during Syracuse performance| publisher=Syracuse.com| location= Syracuse, New York| first= Geoff | last= Herbert|date=July 19, 2013 |accessdate= February 7, 2017| archivedate= February 7, 2016| archiveurl =http://archive.is/2hGC1| deadurl=no}}</ref><!--Syracuse.com unable to be archived at Wayback Machine or Webcitation--><ref name=biography.com>{{cite web| url=http://www.biography.com/people/jerry-seinfeld-9542107| title=Jerry Seinfeld Biography" Film Actor, Screenwriter, Television Actor, Comedian, Television Producer (1954–)| publisher=[[Biography.com]] ([[FYI (TV network)|FYI]] / [[A&E Networks]]) | accessdate= February 7, 2017| archivedate=January 5, 2017| archiveurl = https://web.archive.org/web/20170105123011/http://www.biography.com/people/jerry-seinfeld-9542107#synopsis|deadurl=no}}</ref> ==Career== ===Early career=== Seinfeld developed an interest in standup comedy after brief stints in college productions.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://israeliculture.about.com/culture/israeliculture/library/weekly/aa042098.htm|title=Seinfeld's Kibbutz Days|publisher=Israeli Culture|accessdate=May 10, 2009|archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20010223215641/http://israeliculture.about.com/culture/israeliculture/library/weekly/aa042098.htm|archivedate=February 23, 2001}}</ref> In 1976, after graduation from Queens College, he tried out at an open-microphone night at New York City's [[Catch a Rising Star (comedy clubs)|Catch a Rising Star]], which led to an appearance in a [[Rodney Dangerfield]] [[HBO]] special.<ref name="bio">{{Cite news|url=https://movies.nytimes.com/person/64376/Jerry-Seinfeld/biography|title=Jerry Seinfeld |work= = [[The New York Times]] |accessdate=July 18, 2010}}</ref> Seinfeld appeared on open mic nights at Budd Friedman's Improv Club while attending Queens College. In 1979 he had a small recurring role on the sitcom ''[[Benson (TV series)|Benson]]'', playing Frankie, a mail delivery boy who had comedy routines that no one wanted to hear. However, Seinfeld was abruptly fired from the show due to creative differences.<ref name="bio" /> Seinfeld has said that he was not actually told he had been fired until he turned up for the read-through session for an episode, and found that there was no script for him.<ref>Interview in "How It Began," a special feature in the Seinfeld Season 1 & 2 DVD</ref> In May 1981, Seinfeld made a successful appearance on ''[[The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson]]'', impressing [[Johnny Carson|Carson]] and the audience and leading to frequent appearances on that show and others, including ''[[Late Night with David Letterman]]''.<ref name="bio" /> ===''Seinfeld''=== {{Main article|Seinfeld}} [[File:Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus 1997.jpg|thumb|Seinfeld with [[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]] at the 1997 Emmy Awards]] Seinfeld created ''The Seinfeld Chronicles'' with [[Larry David]] in 1988 for [[NBC]]. The show was later renamed ''[[Seinfeld]]'' to avoid confusion with the short-lived teen sitcom ''[[The Marshall Chronicles]]''. By its fourth season, it had become the most popular and successful sitcom on American television. The final episode aired in 1998, and the show has been a popular [[Television syndication|syndicated]] re-run. Along with Seinfeld, the show starred ''[[Saturday Night Live]]'' veteran [[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]] and experienced actors [[Michael Richards]] and [[Jason Alexander]]. Alexander played George, a [[Larry David|caricature of Larry David]]. Seinfeld holds the distinction of being the only actor to appear in every episode of the show.<ref>Jason Alexander did not appear in "[[The Pen]]"; Julia Louis-Dreyfus did not appear in [[The Seinfeld Chronicles|the pilot]], "[[The Trip, Part 1]]", or "[[The Trip, Part 2]]"; and Michael Richards did not appear in "[[The Chinese Restaurant]]" or "The Pen".</ref> Seinfeld has said that his show was influenced by the 1950s sitcom ''[[The Abbott and Costello Show]]''. In the "Seinfeld Season 6" DVD set, commenting on the episode "[[The Gymnast]]", Seinfeld cited [[Jean Shepherd]] as an influence, saying, "He really formed my entire comedic sensibility—I learned how to do comedy from Jean Shepherd." From 2004 to 2007, the former ''Seinfeld'' cast and crew recorded audio commentaries for episodes of the DVD releases of the show. Seinfeld himself provided commentary for multiple episodes. ===Post-''Seinfeld''=== {{BLP sources section| date= January 2013}} After he ended his sitcom, Seinfeld returned to [[New York City]] to make a comeback with his [[stand-up comedy]] rather than stay in [[Los Angeles]] and continue his acting career. In 1998 he went on tour and recorded a comedy special, entitled ''[[I'm Telling You for the Last Time]]''. The process of developing and performing new material at clubs around the world was chronicled in a 2002 documentary, ''[[Comedian (film)|Comedian]]'', which also featured fellow comic [[Orny Adams]] and was directed by Christian Charles. Seinfeld has written several books, mostly archives of past routines. In the late 1990s, [[Apple Computer]] came up with the advertising slogan "[[Think different]]" and produced a 60-second commercial to promote the slogan. This commercial showed people who were able to "think differently", such as [[Albert Einstein]], [[Mahatma Gandhi]], [[Martin Luther King, Jr.]], and many others. It was later cut short to 30 seconds and altered such that Seinfeld was included at the end, whereas he had not been in the original cut. This shorter version of the commercial aired only once, during the [[The Finale (Seinfeld)|series finale]] of ''Seinfeld''.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.theapplecollection.com/Collection/AppleMovies/mov/jerrysteinfield.mov |title=Seinfeld's commercial |accessdate=August 22, 2011}}</ref> [[File:Jerry Seinfeld (1997).jpg|thumb|upright|right|Seinfeld at the 1997 Emmy Awards]] In 2004 Seinfeld also appeared in two commercial [[webisode]]s promoting [[American Express]], titled ''[[The Adventures of Seinfeld & Superman]]''.<ref>{{cite web |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2004/03/30/business/media-business-advertising-seinfeld-superman-join-forces-again-spots-for.html? |title=Seinfeld and Superman join forces again in spots for American Express, this time on the Web. |last=Elliott |first=Stuart |publisher=New York Times |date=30 March 2004 |accessdate=19 March 2016}}</ref> In these, Seinfeld appeared with a cartoon rendering of [[Superman]], who was referenced in numerous episodes of ''Seinfeld'' as Seinfeld's hero, voiced by [[Patrick Warburton]] (character [[David Puddy]] on ''Seinfeld''). The webisodes were directed by [[Barry Levinson]] and aired briefly on television. Seinfeld and "Superman" were also interviewed by [[Matt Lauer]] in a specially recorded interview for the ''[[Today (NBC program)|Today]]'' show. On November 18, 2004, Seinfeld appeared at the [[National Museum of American History]] to donate the "Puffy Shirt" he wore in the famous ''Seinfeld'' episode [[The Puffy Shirt (Seinfeld episode)|of the same name]]. He also gave a speech when presenting the "Puffy Shirt", saying humorously that "This is the most embarrassing moment of my life." On May 13, 2006, Seinfeld had a cameo appearance on ''Saturday Night Live'' as host Julia Louis-Dreyfus' assassin. Louis-Dreyfus in her opening monologue mentioned the "Seinfeld curse". While talking about how ridiculous the "curse" was, a [[Stage lighting instrument|stage light]] suddenly fell next to her. The camera moved to a [[Catwalk (theater)|catwalk]] above the stage where Seinfeld was standing, holding a large pair of bolt cutters. He angrily muttered, "Damn it!" upset that it did not hit her. Louis-Dreyfus then continued to say that she is indeed not cursed. On February 25, 2007, Seinfeld appeared at the [[79th Academy Awards]] as the presenter for "Best Documentary". Before announcing the nominations, he did a short stand-up comedy routine about the unspoken agreement between movie theater owners and movie patrons. ("In movie theaters now, they’re trying to get you to pick up the garbage around your seat. I’m picking nothing up. I’m the one who threw it down. How many different jobs do I have to do?”)<ref>{{cite web |url= http://deadline.com/2007/02/jerry-seinfeld-auditioning-for-80th-oscars-1493/ |last=Finke |first=Nikki |title=Seinfeld Auditioning To Host 80th Oscars? |website=[[Deadline Hollywood]] |publisher=[[Penske Media Corporation]] |date=26 February 2007 |accessdate=19 March 2016}}</ref> On October 4, 2007, Seinfeld made a brief return to NBC, guest-starring as himself in the ''[[30 Rock]]'' episode "[[SeinfeldVision]]".<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.comingsoon.net/news/tvnews.php?id=22046 |title=Seinfeld to Guest Star on 30 Rock |publisher=ComingSoon.net |date=July 16, 2007 |accessdate=August 22, 2011}}</ref> On February 24, 2008, at the [[80th Academy Awards]], Seinfeld appeared as the [[Voice acting|voice]] of his ''Bee Movie'' animated character Barry, presenting "Best Animated Short". Before announcing the nominees, he showed a montage of film clips featuring bees, saying that they were some of his early work (as Barry). On June 2, 2008, amidst his spring 2008 tour, Seinfeld performed in his hometown of [[New York City]] for a one-night-only show at the [[Hammerstein Ballroom]] to benefit ''Stand Up for a Cure'', a charity aiding [[lung cancer]] research at [[Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center]]. In August 2008, the [[Associated Press]] reported that Jerry Seinfeld would be the pitchman for [[Windows Vista]], as part of a $300-million advertising campaign by Microsoft. The ads, which were intended to create buzz for Windows in support of the subsequent "I'm a PC" advertisements, began airing in mid-September 2008. They were cut from television after just three installments; Microsoft opted to continue with the "I'm a PC" advertisements<ref>{{cite news|last=Coyle|first=Jake|agency=Associated Press|url=http://www.foxnews.com/wires/2008Aug21/0,4670,MicrosoftSeinfeld,00.html|title=Seinfeld to be pitchman for Microsoft|date=August 21, 2008|publisher=foxnews.com|accessdate=October 16, 2012}}</ref> and run the Seinfeld ads on the Microsoft website as a series of longer advertisements.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.microsoft.com/windows/watchtheads/video/newfamily/ |title=Microsoft Showcase: Watch videos from Microsoft's online video collection |publisher=Microsoft |accessdate=August 22, 2011 |deadurl=yes |archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20090823054859/http://www.microsoft.com/windows/watchtheads/video/newfamily/ |archivedate=August 23, 2009 }}</ref> In March 2009, it was announced that Seinfeld and the entire cast of ''Seinfeld'' would be appearing for a reunion in Larry David's HBO series ''[[Curb Your Enthusiasm]]''. The fictional reunion took place in the [[Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 7|seventh season's]] [[Seinfeld (Curb Your Enthusiasm)|finale]]. Seinfeld appeared on an episode of the [[Starz (TV channel)|Starz]] original series ''[[Head Case (TV series)|Head Case]]''. As was the case in many of his previous guest appearances on sitcoms, he played himself. In [[Australia]], Seinfeld appeared on a series of advertisements for the [[Greater Building Society]], a [[building society]] based in [[New South Wales]] and southeastern [[Queensland]].<ref>{{cite web|title=Jerry Seinfeld joins the Greater |work=Greater Building Society |date=July 9, 2008 |url=http://www.greater.com.au |deadurl=yes |archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20150810061600/https://www.greater.com.au/ |archivedate=August 10, 2015 }}</ref> His appearance in these ads was highly publicized and considered a coup for the society, being only the third time Seinfeld had appeared in a television commercial.<ref>{{cite news |title=Jerry Seinfeld films advertisement for Newcastle's Greater Building Society |work=Daily Telegraph |date=July 10, 2009 |url=http://www.news.com.au/business/money/story/0,28323,25759196-5013952,00.html }}{{dead link|date=February 2017}}</ref> The advertisements were filmed in Cedarhurst, [[Long Island]], with the street designed to emulate Beaumont Street in [[Hamilton, New South Wales|Hamilton]], where the Greater's head offices are located.<ref>{{cite web|title=New Greater website has exclusive behind the scenes footage from the commercials starring Jerry Seinfeld |work=Greater Building Society |date=July 13, 2009 |url=http://www.greater.com.au |deadurl=yes |archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20150810061600/https://www.greater.com.au/ |archivedate=August 10, 2015 }}</ref> Seinfeld also wrote the scripts for the 15 advertisements that were filmed. The ads largely aired in the Northern New South Wales television market, where the society has most of its branches. Seinfeld was the first guest on Jay Leno's talk show, ''[[The Jay Leno Show]]'', which premiered on September 14, 2009. Seinfeld was featured on ''Saturday Night Live's'' [[Weekend Update]] sketch to do the "Really!?!" segment with [[Seth Meyers]]. He executive produced and occasionally starred as a panelist in ''[[The Marriage Ref (U.S. TV series)|The Marriage Ref]]''. On August 30, 2010, Seinfeld made a notable surprise guest appearance on ''[[The Howard Stern Show]]'', mending the feud the two had in the early '90s. Seinfeld toured the U.S. in 2011 and made his first stand-up appearance in the [[United Kingdom|UK]] in 13 years. In July 2011, he was a surprise guest on ''[[The Daily Show]]'', helping [[Jon Stewart]] to suppress his urge to tell "cheap" "Michele Bachmann's husband acts gay" jokes.<ref>{{cite episode |series=The Daily Show |airdate=July 13, 2010|url=http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-july-13-2011/comedy-repression-therapy|title=Matthew Richardson}}</ref> Seinfeld also launched a personal archives website at JerrySeinfeld.com and appeared in the HBO special ''Talking Funny'' with fellow comedians [[Chris Rock]], [[Louis C.K.]], and [[Ricky Gervais]] in the same year. In 2012 Seinfeld started a Web series, ''[[Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee]]'', in which he would pick up a fellow comedian in a different car each episode and take him or her out for coffee and conversation. The initial series consisted of ten 7- to 25-minute episodes. Season 2 (2013) had six episodes, with guests including [[Don Rickles]] and [[David Letterman]].<ref>{{cite web|url=http://comediansincarsgettingcoffee.com/ |title=Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee website |publisher=Comediansincarsgettingcoffee.com |accessdate=2014-07-19}}</ref> In 2013 Seinfeld was nominated for a [[Primetime Emmy Award]] for the series.<ref>{{cite web|title=65th Primetime Emmys: Complete List of Nominations|url=http://www.emmys.com/awards/nominees-winners/2013/special-class-short-form-nonfiction|publisher=[[Academy of Television Arts & Sciences]]|date=July 18, 2013|accessdate=Dec 31, 2013}}</ref> When criticized in early 2014 for the lack of women and non-white comedians in the series, he responded, "Who cares? ... You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not."<ref>{{cite news|url=http://www.vulture.com/2014/02/seinfeld-on-diversity-in-comedy-who-cares.html|title=Jerry Seinfeld on Diversity in Comedy: 'Who Cares?'|date=February 9, 2014|first=Halle|last=Kiefer|work=New York|accessdate=April 6, 2014}}</ref> In 2013 Seinfeld was reportedly working with rapper [[Wale (rapper)|Wale]] on his fourth studio album, ''The Album About Nothing''.<ref>{{cite web|last=Horowitz |first=Steven J. |url=http://www.hiphopdx.com/index/news/id.22580/title.wale-reportedly-working-with-jerry-seinfeld-on-the-album-about-nothing- |title=Wale Reportedly Working With Jerry Seinfeld On "The Album About Nothing |publisher=HipHop DX |date=2013-01-18 |accessdate=2014-01-07}}</ref> In June 2013, he appeared on rapper Wale's album ''[[The Gifted]]'', on the song "Outro About Nothing".<ref>{{cite web|url=https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-gifted/id647928009 |title=iTunes - Music - The Gifted by Wale |publisher=Itunes.apple.com |date=2013-06-25 |accessdate=2014-01-07}}</ref> During a January 2014 interview, on the "[[Boomer and Carton]]" show on radio station WFAN, Seinfeld revealed that a ''Seinfeld'' project was in development, in which Alexander will play George Costanza alongside other ''Seinfeld'' characters. Rumors of a potential reunion were triggered by a photograph that appeared on Twitter, in which Seinfeld and Alexander are walking into "Tom's Restaurant", the famous diner from the ''Seinfeld'' series.<ref>{{cite web|title=Jerry Seinfeld Confirms ‘Seinfeld’ Reunion of Sorts|url=http://variety.com/2014/tv/news/jerry-seinfeld-reunion-1201077934/|work=Variety|publisher=Penske Business Media, LLC.|accessdate=January 31, 2014|author=Daniel Goldblatt|date=January 30, 2014}}</ref> Seinfeld received coverage for his speech at the 2014 [[Clio Awards]] ceremony, where he received an honorary award, as media reporters said that he "mocked" and "ripped apart" the advertising industry; his statement of "I love advertising because I love lying" received particular attention.<ref>{{cite news|author1=Ryan Grenoble|title=Seinfeld's Advertising Award Acceptance Speech Mercilessly Mocks Ad Execs|url=http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/03/seinfeld-clio-speech-advertising-award_n_5929388.html|accessdate=October 12, 2014|work=Huffington Post|date=October 6, 2014}}</ref><ref>{{cite news|author1=Zachary M. Seward|title=Jerry Seinfeld ripped apart the advertising industry on its biggest night|url=http://qz.com/276396/jerry-seinfeld-ripped-apart-the-advertising-industry-on-its-biggest-night/|accessdate=October 12, 2014|work=Quartz|date=October 5, 2014}}</ref> On February 15, 2015, Seinfeld made a special appearance as a presenter on "SNL 40," the 40th anniversary special of ''[[Saturday Night Live]]''.<ref>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-jzbKRi7Qc "Audience Q&A - SNL 40th Anniversary Special"], ''Saturday Night Live''</ref> In January 2017, it was announced that Seinfeld had signed an exclusive comedy deal with [[Netflix]].<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.thewrap.com/jerry-seinfeld-netflix-comedians-cars/|title=Netflix Nabs ‘Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee,’ 2 New Jerry Seinfeld Stand-Up Specials|website=[[The Wrap]]|first=Tony|last=Maglio|date=January 17, 2017|accessdate=January 17, 2017}}</ref> As part of the deal, all episodes of ''Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee'' would be made available on the streaming service, in addition to a new twenty four episode season.<ref name="netflix">{{cite web|url=http://deadline.com/2017/01/comedians-in-cars-getting-coffee-move-netflix-crackle-jerry-seinfeld-deal-standup-specials-series-1201888377/|title=Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee’ Moves To Netflix As Part Of Big Jerry Seinfeld Deal That Includes Specials & Series|website=[[Deadline.com]]|first=Nellie|last=Andreeva|date=January 17, 2017|accessdate=January 17, 2017}}</ref> Furthermore, the deal also included two new Seinfeld stand-up specials and the development of scripted and non-scripted comedy programming for Netflix.<ref name="netflix"/> ===Books=== Seinfeld wrote the book ''[[Seinlanguage]]'', released in 1993. Written as his television show was first rising in popularity, it is primarily an adaptation of the comedian's stand-up material. The title comes from an article in ''[[Entertainment Weekly]]'' listing the numerous catch-phrases for which the show was responsible.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,306170,00.html|title=Seinlanguage|work=Entertainment Weekly|date=April 9, 1993|accessdate=Dec 31, 2013|author=Fretts, Bruce}}</ref> In 2002 he wrote the [[children's literature|children's book]] ''[[Halloween (children's book)|Halloween]]''. The book was illustrated by James Bennett.<ref>{{cite book| title=Halloween |author=Jerry Seinfeld |others=(Illustrated by James Bennett)}}</ref> Seinfeld wrote the forewords to [[Ted L. Nancy]]'s ''Letters from a Nut'' series of books and [[Ed Broth]]'s ''Stories from a Moron''.<ref>{{Cite news| url=http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2005-04-27-seinfeld_x.htm?POE=LIFISVA | work=USA Today | title=Seinfeld stirs up publicity | first1=Susan | last1=Wloszczyna | date=April 28, 2005 | accessdate=May 6, 2010}}</ref> Seinfeld also wrote the foreword to the ''[[Peanut Butter & Co.]] Cookbook''. ==Influences== Seinfeld has cited as his influences the humorist [[Jean Shepherd]],<ref>{{YouTube|itWxXyCfW5s}}</ref> and the comedians [[Bill Cosby]],<ref>{{Cite video| people = Seinfeld, Jerry| url = http://video.pbs.org/video/1317746583/| title = The 12th Annual Mark Twain Prize for American Humor| medium = TV| publisher =[[Public Broadcasting Service|PBS]]| location = |date = November 4, 2009}}</ref> [[George Carlin]],<ref name=hbo>{{Cite video| people = Seinfeld, Jerry| title = Jerry Seinfeld: The Comedian Award| medium = TV| publisher =[[HBO]]| location = |date = April 1, 2007}}</ref> [[Jay Leno]],<ref>{{Cite video| people = Seinfeld, Jerry| url = http://www.blogtalkradio.com/robin-milling/2010/09/29/milling-about-flashback-with-jerry-seinfeld| title = Milling About Flashback with Jerry Seinfeld| time = approx. 7:00 | medium = Radio| publisher =[[BlogTalkRadio]] | location = |date = September 29, 2010}}</ref> [[Robert Klein]],<ref name=hbo/> and [[Abbott and Costello]],<ref>{{cite news|url=http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,304661,00.html|title=TV Review: Abbott & Costello Meet Jerry Seinfeld | work = [[Entertainment Weekly]]|date=November 25, 1994|author=Tucker, Ken|accessdate=November 15, 2009}}</ref> and the actor [[Ricardo Montalban]].<ref>{{Cite video| people = Seinfeld, Jerry| title = [[Seinfeld (season 6)|Seinfeld, Season 6]], "The Gymnast"| medium = DVD commentary| publisher =[[NBC]]| location = |date = November 22, 2005}}</ref> Performers and producers influenced by Seinfeld include [[Judd Apatow]],<ref name="WEINER, JONAH">{{Cite news| url = https://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/23/magazine/jerry-seinfeld-intends-to-die-standing-up.html?pagewanted=all | title = Jerry Seinfeld Intends to Die Standing Up| work=[[The New York Times]]|date=December 20, 2012|author=Weiner, Jonah|accessdate=February 25, 2013}}</ref> [[Kevin Hart]],<ref name="WEINER, JONAH"/> and [[Dennis Miller]].<ref>{{cite interview |last= Miller |first= Dennis |interviewer= Dennis Miller |title= The Dennis Miller Show |url=http://www.dennismillerradio.com |date= 2014-02-05 }}</ref> ==Personal life== [[File:Jessica Seinfeld Jerry Seinfeld Shankbone 2010.jpg|thumb|Jessica and Jerry Seinfeld in 2010]] Years before ''Seinfeld'' was created, Seinfeld dated [[Carol Leifer]],<ref>{{cite book |title=Jerry Seinfeld: Much Ado About Nothing |last=Levine |first=Josh |year=1993 |publisher=[[ECW Press]] |isbn=1550222015 |page=77|url=https://books.google.com/?id=UQlKvbbV3RgC&pg=PA77}}</ref><ref>{{cite news|url=http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/10/15/comedian-secrets-revealed-behind-scenes-stories-jerry-seinfeld-ray-romano-and/|title=Comedian Secrets Revealed! Behind-the-scenes stories of Jerry Seinfeld, Ray Romano, and more before they were stars|date=October 15, 2012|publisher=foxnews.com|accessdate=October 16, 2012}}</ref> a fellow comedian and one of the inspirations for the ''Seinfeld'' character of Elaine.<ref>{{cite book |title=Pretty, Pretty, Pretty Good: Larry David and the Making of Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm |last=Levine |first=Josh |year=2010 |publisher=ECW Press |isbn=1550229478 |page=19 |url=https://books.google.com/?id=M468S1IekbkC&pg=PT19}}</ref><ref>{{cite news|url=http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1107357|title=Comedienne CAROL LEIFER ("Leefer")|date=December 15, 1993|publisher=npr.org|accessdate=October 16, 2012}}</ref> On national TV with Dr. Ruth Westheimer, he explained how, in 1984, he was engaged but called it off.<ref>{{cite av media|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmAx5oRjhSY|title=Jerry Seinfeld and Dr. Ruth talk sex - 1986|date=August 6, 2011|publisher=|via=YouTube}}</ref> When he was in his late 30s, Seinfeld began a four-year romantic relationship with then-17-year-old high school student [[Shoshanna Lonstein]].<ref name="BIC">"Shoshanna Lonstein." Biography in Context. Detroit: Gale, 2003. Gale Biography In Context. Web. Feb 10. 2011.</ref> In August 1998, Seinfeld met [[Jessica Seinfeld|Jessica Sklar]] at the Reebok Sports Club and they began dating. Sklar, a [[public relations]] executive for [[Tommy Hilfiger]], had just returned from a three-week honeymoon in [[Italy]] with Eric Nederlander, a theatrical producer and scion of a [[Nederlander Organization|theater-owning family]]. Sklar divorced Nederlander—she explained in a 2007 interview that they had been engaged in couples therapy sessions prior to their marriage—and married Seinfeld on December 25, 1999.<ref>{{cite news|title=How I Met Jerry Seinfeld, Scene 1, Take 2|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/04/fashion/04seinfeld.html?pagewanted=all |accessdate=January 31, 2014|newspaper=The New York Times|date=November 4, 2007|author=Allen Salkin}}</ref><ref>{{cite web|title=NEWS/ Jerry Seinfeld: Married Man!|url=http://www.eonline.com/news/39179/jerry-seinfeld-married-man|work=E!|publisher=E! Entertainment Television, LLC|accessdate=January 31, 2014|author=Bridget Byrne|date=December 25, 1999}}</ref> Comedian [[George Wallace (comedian)|George Wallace]] was the best man at the wedding.<ref>{{cite news|title=VegasBeat — Columnist Timothy McDarrah: Seinfeld will stand, by George|url=http://www.lasvegassun.com/news/2004/jan/16/vegasbeat----columnist-timothy-mcdarrah-seinfeld-w/|accessdate=January 31, 2014|newspaper=Las Vegas Sun|date=17–18 January 2004|author=Timothy McDarrah}}</ref> After the nuptials, Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld bought [[Billy Joel]]'s house in [[Amagansett, New York|Amagansett]], [[Long Island]], for US$32 million after news of the couple's interest in the property became public in 2000.<ref>{{cite web|title=Inside Jerry Seinfeld's 'Laid-Back,' $32M Hamptons Mansion|url=http://homes.yahoo.com/news/inside-jerry-seinfelds-laid-back-32m-hamptons-mansion-160005099.html|work=Yahoo! Homes|publisher=Yahoo!, Inc|accessdate=January 31, 2014|author=Amy Schellenbaum|date=October 25, 2013}}</ref><ref>{{cite news|title=Billy Joel's East Hampton $40 Million Home To Seinfeld|url=http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2000-03-03/news/0003040157_1_guest-house-buying-bruce-wasserstein|accessdate=January 31, 2014|newspaper=Chicago Tribune|date=March 3, 2000}}</ref> The Seinfelds have one daughter and two sons. Their daughter Sascha was born on November 7, 2000;<ref>{{cite web|last=Silverman |first=Stephen M. |url=http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,618638,00.html |title=Seinfeld: And Baby Makes Three – Jerry Seinfeld |publisher=People.com |date=July 3, 1998 |accessdate=August 22, 2011}}</ref> their first son Julian Kal was born on March 1, 2003;<ref>{{cite web|last=Silverman |first=Stephen M. |url=http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,625617,00.html |title=Jerry Seinfeld's a Daddy Once More – Jerry Seinfeld |publisher=People.com |date=March 3, 2003 |accessdate=August 22, 2011}}</ref> and their second son Shepherd Kellen was born on August 22, 2005—all in New York City.<ref>{{cite news| url=http://www.theage.com.au/news/people/a-boy-for-jerry/2005/08/26/1124563009721.html | location=Melbourne | work=The Age | title=A boy for Jerry | date=August 26, 2005}}</ref><ref>{{cite web|last=Peterson |first=Todd |url=http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,1098099,00.html |title=Jerry Seinfeld & Wife Welcome Third Child – Birth, Jerry Seinfeld |publisher=People.com |date=August 25, 2005 |accessdate=August 22, 2011}}</ref> Julian's middle name, Kal, is the first name of Seinfeld's father and also the first name of Seinfeld's hero [[Superman|Superman, aka Kal-El]]. Among Seinfeld's best friends are fellow comedians [[George Wallace (comedian)|George Wallace]], [[Larry Miller (actor)|Larry Miller]], and [[Mario Joyner]].<ref>{{cite news| url=http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1665827,00.html |title=Jerry Seinfeld Goes Back to Work|last=Cagle|first=Jess|date=September 26, 2007|work=[[Time (magazine)|Time]]|accessdate=October 2, 2010}}</ref> In 2000, Jessica Seinfeld launched Baby Buggy, a charity that provides clothing and gear for underprivileged women and children. She is also the author of the best-seller ''Deceptively Delicious: Simple Secrets to Get Your Kids Eating Good Food'', released by [[HarperCollins]] in October 2007.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.harpercollins.com/books/9780061251344/Deceptively_Delicious/index.aspx |title=Deceptively Simple |publisher=Harpercollins.com |date=March 24, 2010 |accessdate=August 22, 2011 |deadurl=yes |archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20100414005333/http://www.harpercollins.com/books/9780061251344/Deceptively_Delicious/index.aspx |archivedate=April 14, 2010 }}</ref> Seinfeld has made several political contributions, including [[George W. Bush]]'s and [[Al Gore]]'s presidential campaigns in [[United States presidential election, 2000|2000]], and subsequently to four [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic Party]] primary candidates in 2000 and [[United States presidential election, 2004|2004]].<ref>[http://www.newsmeat.com/celebrity_political_donations/Jerry_Seinfeld.php "Jerry Seinfeld's Federal Campaign Contribution Report"], ''Newsmeat&nbsp;— America's most popular campaign donor search engine''. Accessed May 10, 2008. {{webarchive |url=https://web.archive.org/web/20131010151510/http://www.newsmeat.com/celebrity_political_donations/Jerry_Seinfeld.php |date=October 10, 2013 }}</ref> Seinfeld stated that he dabbled in [[Scientology]] during his 20s,<ref name="msnbc">{{cite web|url=http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/21535797/ns/today-entertainment/t/seinfeld-admits-he-dabbled-scientology/|title=Seinfeld admits he dabbled in Scientology|work=TODAY.com}}</ref> although he says he was never in the organization.<ref name="Levine1993">{{cite book|author=Josh Levine|title=Jerry Seinfeld: Much Ado About Nothing|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=UQlKvbbV3RgC&pg=PA19|date=October 1, 1993|publisher=ECW Press|isbn=978-1-55022-201-2|pages=19–20}}</ref><ref>{{Cite news| last =Shales | first =Tom | title =Seinfeld, a Stand-Up Kind of Guy; The Star of NBC's Hip, Hot Half-Hour, on Comedy With a Heart of Darkness | work = [[The Washington Post]] | publisher = [[The Washington Post Company]] | page = B1 | date = April 22, 1992 }}</ref> The association came to light in 1992.<ref name="Levine1993"/> A fan of the [[New York Mets]], Seinfeld periodically calls [[Steve Somers]]' show on [[WFAN]]-AM, a [[sports talk radio]] station, as "Jerry from Queens".<ref>{{cite news|title=Mets Seinfeld And The Schmoozer: ‘Jerry From Queens’ Talks Mets Magic On WFAN|url=http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2012/06/05/seinfeld-and-the-schmoozer-jerry-from-queens-talks-mets-magic-on-wfan/|accessdate=January 31, 2014|newspaper=CBS Local|date=June 5, 2012}}</ref> Seinfeld called four innings of a Mets game on [[SportsNet New York]] on June 23, 2010, reuniting with analyst [[Keith Hernandez]], who appeared in the ''Seinfeld'' two-part episode, "[[The Boyfriend (Seinfeld)|The Boyfriend]]".<ref>{{cite web|author=Jesse Sanchez&nbsp;/&nbsp;MLB.com |url=http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20100618&content_id=11310026&vkey=news_mlb&fext=.jsp&c_id=mlb |title=Seinfeld to grace Mets booth Wednesday &#124; MLB.com: News |publisher=Mlb.mlb.com |accessdate=August 22, 2011}}</ref> In December 2012, Seinfeld said that he had been practicing [[Transcendental Meditation technique|Transcendental Meditation]] (TM) for 40 years. He promoted the use of the technique in the treatment of [[post-traumatic stress disorder]] with Bob Roth of the [[David Lynch Foundation]] in December 2012 on the ''Good Morning America'' television show,<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.bienfaits-meditation.com/en/david_lynch_foundation/abcnews_jerry_seinfeld |title=Jerry Seinfeld on Importance of Meditation for PTSD |publisher=abcNEWS.com |date=December 13, 2012 |accessdate=2007-03-07 |deadurl=yes |archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20130907043744/http://www.bienfaits-meditation.com/en/david_lynch_foundation/abcnews_jerry_seinfeld |archivedate=September 7, 2013 }}</ref> and also appeared at a 2009 David Lynch Foundation benefit for TM, at which former [[The Beatles|Beatles]] [[Paul McCartney]] and [[Ringo Starr]] appeared.<ref>{{cite web|title=At Radio City, Paul and Ringo together again|url=http://www.popmatters.com/article/72736-at-radio-city-paul-and-ringo-together-again/|work=PopMatters|publisher=PopMatters Media, Inc|accessdate=January 31, 2014|author=Glenn Gamboa|date=April 6, 2009}}</ref> In November 2014, Seinfeld said he suspected he was on the [[autism spectrum]], citing difficulties with social engagement and reading body language.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.nbcnews.com/nightly-news/brian-williams-goes-behind-scenes-jerry-seinfeld-n243166|title=Brian Williams Goes Behind the Scenes With Jerry Seinfeld|work=NBC News}}</ref> Almost two weeks later, he told ''[[Access Hollywood]]'', "I don't have autism. I'm not on the spectrum. I was just watching this play about it and … I related to it on some level."<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.accesshollywood.com/jerry-seinfeld-explains-autism-comments_video_2478937|title=Jerry Seinfeld Explains Autism Comments|work=Access Hollywood}}</ref> On November 5, 2015, the [[David Lynch Foundation]] organised another benefit concert at New York City's [[Carnegie Hall]] called "Change Begins Within" to promote [[transcendental meditation]] for stress control. "It's been the greatest companion technique of living that I've ever come across, and I'm thrilled to be part of this movement that seems to have really been reinvigorated by Bob [Roth] and David Lynch," Seinfeld said. "I would do anything that I could to promote it in the world, because I think it's the greatest thing as a life tool, as a work tool and just making things make sense." <ref>{{cite news |last= Grow |first= Kory |date= |title= Katy Perry, Sting Stun at David Lynch's Meditation Benefit Concert - Jerry Seinfeld, Angelique Kidjo, Jim James and others also perform and explain relaxation technique's importance to them at New York's Carnegie Hall |url= http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/katy-perry-sting-stun-at-david-lynchs-meditation-benefit-concert-20151105 |newspaper= Rolling Stone Magazine |location= |archive-url= http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/katy-perry-sting-stun-at-david-lynchs-meditation-benefit-concert-20151105 |archive-date=November 5, 2015 |access-date= November 14, 2015 }}</ref> ===Wealth=== According to ''[[Forbes]]'' magazine, Seinfeld's annual earning from ''Seinfeld'' in 2004 was $267 million, placing him at the top of the celebrity "money rank" that year.<ref>{{Cite news|url= http://www.forbes.com/lists/home.jhtml?passListId=53&passYear=1999&passListType=Person |archiveurl= https://web.archive.org/web/20100116135244/http://www.forbes.com/lists/home.jhtml?passListId=53&passYear=1999&passListType=Person |archivedate= 2010-01-16 |title= ''Forbes'' list |accessdate =December 18, 2007}}</ref> He reportedly turned down $5 million per episode, for 22 episodes, to continue the show for a tenth season.<ref>{{Cite news|url= http://www.cnn.com/SHOWBIZ/9712/26/seinfeld/|title= CNN- Seinfeld to end show |publisher= CNN|date= December 26, 1997|accessdate =December 18, 2007}}</ref> Seinfeld earned $100 million from syndication deals and stand-up performances in 2005 and $60 million in 2006.<ref>{{cite news|url=http://www.forbes.com/lists/2006/53/Compen_Salary.html |title=The Celebrity 100 |publisher=Forbes.com |accessdate=February 5, 2012}}</ref><ref>{{cite news| url=http://www.forbes.com/lists/2007/53/07celebrities_The-Celebrity-100_EarningsPrevYear.html | work=Forbes | title=The Celebrity 100 - Forbes.com | date=June 14, 2007}}</ref> He also earned $10 million for appearing with [[Bill Gates]] in Microsoft's 2008 advertisements for Windows.<ref>''TV Guide,'' September 7, 2008.</ref> Between June 2008 and June 2009, Seinfeld earned $85 million, making him the world's highest-paid comedian during that 12-month period.<ref>{{cite news| url=http://www.forbes.com/2009/07/13/top-earning-comedians-business-entertainment-top-earning-comedians.html | work=Forbes | first=Lacey | last=Rose | title=The Top-Earning Comedians | date=July 13, 2009}}</ref> In 2013, ''Forbes'' documented Seinfeld's annual income as $32 million.<ref name="Jerry Seinfeld annual income Forbes">{{cite web|title=Jerry Seinfeld annual income Forbes|url=http://www.forbes.com/profile/jerry-seinfeld/|publisher=Forbes|accessdate=September 16, 2013}}</ref> In mid-2013, Seinfeld disputed ''Forbes''' claims regarding his income and net worth on the radio show of Howard Stern.<ref name="Stern">{{cite AV media |people= Stern, Howard |year= 2013 |title= Jerry Seinfeld on The Howard Stern Show 6-26-13|trans_title= |medium= Radio |language= |url= https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcBnicKhZL8&feature=youtu.be&t=1h11m5s |accessdate= November 22, 2014 |archiveurl= |archivedate= |time= |publisher= |location= |id= |isbn= |oclc= |quote= |ref= }}</ref> Seinfeld was listed number 1 in the [[Forbes]] Highest-Paid Comedians for 2015.<ref>{{cite web|title = The Highest-Paid Comedians 2015|url = http://www.forbes.com/sites/maddieberg/2015/10/21/the-worlds-highest-paid-comedians-2015/|website = Forbes|accessdate = 2015-10-22}}</ref> ====Car collection==== Seinfeld, an automobile enthusiast and avid collector, owns a large [[Porsche]] collection.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/23/magazine/jerry-seinfeld-intends-to-die-standing-up.html|title=Jerry Seinfeld Intends to Die Standing Up|date=December 23, 2012|work=The New York Times}}</ref> He rented a hangar at the [[Santa Monica Airport]], in [[Santa Monica]], California, for an extended period of time during the 1990s for storage of some of the vehicles in the collection.<ref>{{Cite book|title = Seinfeld Reference: The Complete Encyclopedia with Biographies, Character Profiles & Episode Summaries|url = https://books.google.com/books?id=9RyY2Mtqk54C&lpg=PT45&dq=jerry%20seinfeld%20rented%20a%20hangar%20at%20the%20Santa%20Monica%20Airport&pg=PT45#v=onepage&q&f=false|publisher = Praetorian Publishing|access-date = 2015-04-22|isbn = 9780967985244|first = Dennis|last = Bjorklund}}</ref> In 2002 Seinfeld purchased property on the [[Upper West Side]] of [[Manhattan]] in [[New York City]] where he built a $1.4 million dollar two story garage to store part of his Porsche collection on the East Coast.<ref>[http://www.complex.com/sports/2013/04/inside-jerry-seinfelds-super-secret-manhattan-garage Inside Jerry Seinfeld's Super Secret Manhattan Garage] (Retrieved from TheComplex.com on 28 October 2016)</ref><ref>[http://observer.com/2002/03/seinfeld-builds-a-parking-lot/ Seinfeld Builds a Parking Lot] (Retrieved from [[The Observer]] on 28 October 2016)</ref> One tally has Seinfeld owning 46 Porsches.<ref name="Complex">{{cite web|url=http://www.complexmag.ca/rides/2013/04/inside-jerry-seinfelds-super-secret-manhattan-garage |title=Inside Jerry Seinfeld's Super Secret Manhattan Garage |publisher=[[Complex (magazine)|Complex]] |date=April 24, 2013}}{{dead link|date=February 2017}}</ref> Paul Bannister has written that Seinfeld's collection includes [[Porsche 911]]s from various years, 10 [[Porsche Boxster]]s each painted a different color, and the famous 1955 [[Porsche 550 Spyder]], the same model and pearl-grey color that actor [[James Dean]] was driving when he crashed and died.<ref name=bannister /> [[Discovery Channel|The Discovery Channel]] television show [[Chasing Classic Cars]] claims that Seinfeld owns the first and last air-cooled Porsche 911s produced. The centerpiece is a $700,000 [[Porsche 959]], one of only 337 built. He was not allowed to drive it, because the car was "not [[Street-legal vehicle|street legal]]", which is because US emissions and crash tests were never performed for the model since Porsche refused to donate four Porsche 959s for destruction tests. He imported the car "[[Grey import vehicles|for exhibition purposes]]", on the stipulation that it may never be driven on US roads.<ref name="bannister">{{Cite book|last=Bannister|first=Paul|title=The Comedians|pages=74–75}}</ref> The car was made US street legal in 1999 under the "[[Show and Display]]" federal law.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.forbesautos.com/advice/toptens/billionaire/02-bill_gates.html |title=William Gates III |work=Forbes |accessdate=August 22, 2011}}</ref><ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.nhtsa.dot.gov/cars/rules/import/ShowDisplay/howtosd072003.html |title=How To Import A Motor Vehicle For Show Or Display |publisher=Nhtsa.dot.gov |accessdate=August 22, 2012}}</ref> Seinfeld wrote an article for the February 2004 issue of ''[[Automobile Magazine|Automobile]]'', reviewing the [[Porsche Carrera GT]].<ref>{{cite news|url=http://www.944fest.com/Media/Jerryskids.html |publisher=''[[Automobile Magazine|Automobile]]'' via 944Fest.com |title=<nowiki>[no title available]</nowiki> |date=February 2004 |accessdate=December 16, 2012 |deadurl=yes |archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20100425053733/http://www.944fest.com/Media/Jerryskids.html |archivedate=April 25, 2010 }}{{dead link|date=February 2017}}</ref> In 2008, Seinfeld was involved in a car accident when the brakes on his 1967 [[Fiat 500]] failed and, to avoid an intersection, he pulled the emergency brake while turning sharply, ultimately causing the car to come to a stop on its side. Seinfeld was unhurt.<ref name="follfiat">{{cite web | title = The real story about Jerry Seinfeld's Mystery Car Crash | publisher = Automobile Magazine, April 5, 2008, Phil Foraday | url = http://rumors.automobilemag.com/the-real-story-about-jerry-seinfelds-mystery-car-crash-134299.html}}</ref> In his ''Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee'' web show, Seinfeld says the [[Lamborghini Miura]] is "the most beautiful car ever designed."<ref>{{cite web|title=Seinfeld and Chris Rock laugh it up in a Lamborghini Miura|url=http://www.autoblog.com/2013/07/18/jerry-seinfeld-chris-rock-laugh-in-lamborghini-miura-video/|publisher=Auto Blog|accessdate=December 29, 2014|date=July 18, 2013}}</ref> ==Filmography== ===Film=== {| class="wikitable sortable" |- ! Year ! Title ! Role ! class="unsortable"|Notes |- | 1984 | ''[[The Ratings Game]]'' | Network Rep | TV movie |- | 1999 | ''[[Pros & Cons]]'' | Prison Man #2 | Cameo |- | 2002 | ''[[Comedian (film)|Comedian]]'' | Himself | Documentary<br />Also executive producer |- | 2007 | ''[[Bee Movie]]'' | Barry B. Benson (voice) | Also co-writer and producer<br />Nominated – [[Producers Guild of America Awards 2007#Animated Feature|Producers Guild of America Award for Motion Picture Producer of the Year Award – Animated]]<br />Nominated – [[Kids Choice Awards|Kids Choice Award for Favorite Voice from an Animated Movie]] |- | 2014 | ''[[Top Five]]'' | Himself | Uncredited cameo |} ===Television=== {| class="wikitable sortable" |- ! Year ! Title ! Role ! class="unsortable"|Notes |- | 1979 | ''[[Benson (TV series)|Benson]]'' | Frankie | 2 episodes |- | 1989–1998 | ''[[Seinfeld]]'' | [[Jerry Seinfeld (character)|Jerry Seinfeld]] |180 episodes; also co-creator, writer and executive producer<br />[[American Comedy Awards|American Comedy Award for Funniest Male Performer in a TV Series]] <small>(1992–1993)</small><br />[[Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Comedy Series]] <small>(1993)</small><br />[[Screen Actors Guild Award for Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series]] <small>(1994, 1996–1997)</small> <br />[[Golden Globe Award for Best Actor – Television Series Musical or Comedy]] <small>(1993)</small> <br />Nominated – [[American Comedy Awards|American Comedy Award for Funniest Male Performer in a TV Series]] <small>(1996, 1999)</small><br />Nominated – [[Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actor – Comedy Series]] <small>(1992–1996)</small><br />Nominated – [[Golden Globe Award for Best Actor – Television Series Musical or Comedy]] <small>(1994–1995, 1997)</small> <br /> Nominated – [[Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Comedy Series]]<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.emmys.com/celebrities/jerry-seinfeld |title=Jerry Seinfeld Emmy Nominated |publisher=Emmys.com |accessdate=February 5, 2012}}</ref> <small>(1992, 1994–1998)</small><br />Nominated – [[Screen Actors Guild Award for Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series]] <small>(1995)</small> |- | 1992, 1999 |''[[Saturday Night Live]]'' | Himself (host) | 2 episodes |- | 1993, 1998 | ''[[The Larry Sanders Show]]'' | Himself | 2 episodes |- | 1997 | ''[[NewsRadio]]'' | Himself | Episode: "The Real Deal" |- | 1998 | ''[[I'm Telling You for the Last Time]]'' | Himself | Stand-up special |- | 1998 | ''[[Mad About You]]'' | Himself | Uncredited<br/>Episode: "Season Opener" |- | 2000 | ''[[Dilbert (TV series)|Dilbert]]'' | Comp-U-Comp (voice) | Episode: "The Return" |- | 2004 | ''[[Curb Your Enthusiasm]]'' | Himself | Uncredited<br/>Episode: "Opening Night" |- | 2007 | ''[[30 Rock]]'' | Himself | Episode: "[[SeinfeldVision]]" |- | 2009 | ''[[Curb Your Enthusiasm]]'' | Himself | 5 episodes |- | 2010–2011 | ''[[The Marriage Ref (U.S. TV series)|The Marriage Ref]]'' | | Creator and executive producer |- | 2012, 2014 |''[[Louie (TV series)|Louie]]'' | Himself | 2 episodes |- | 2012–present | ''[[Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee]]'' | Himself (host) | |- | 2015 | ''[[Inside Amy Schumer]]'' | Himself | Episode: "80s Ladies" |- | 2016 | ''[[The Jim Gaffigan Show]]'' | Himself | Episode: "The Calling" |- | 2016 | ''[[Maya & Marty]]'' | Himself | Episode: "5" |} ====Writing credits for ''Seinfeld''==== The list below only includes episodes mainly written by Seinfeld, as he (and Larry David in Seasons 1 through 7) rewrote the drafts for each episode. [[Seinfeld (season 1)|Season 1]] * [[The Seinfeld Chronicles]] (with [[Larry David]]) * [[Male Unbonding]] (with Larry David) * [[The Stake Out (Seinfeld)|The Stake Out]] (with Larry David) * [[The Stock Tip (Seinfeld episode)|The Stock Tip]] (with Larry David) [[Seinfeld (season 2)|Season 2]] * [[The Ex-Girlfriend]] (with Larry David) * [[The Pony Remark]] (with Larry David) ** Nominated — [[Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Series|Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Series]] (1991 – Episode "The Pony Remark") * [[The Busboy]] (with Larry David) * [[The Jacket (Seinfeld)|The Jacket]] (with Larry David) * [[The Chinese Restaurant]] (with Larry David) * [[The Phone Message]] (with Larry David) [[Seinfeld (season 3)|Season 3]] * [[The Stranded]] (with Larry David and Matt Goldman) [[Seinfeld (season 4)|Season 4]] * [[The Shoes (Seinfeld)|The Shoes]] (with Larry David) [[Seinfeld (season 5)|Season 5]] * [[The Sniffing Accountant]] (with Larry David) * [[The Raincoats (Seinfeld)|The Raincoats]] (with Larry David, [[Tom Gammill]], and [[Max Pross]]) * [[The Opposite]] (with Larry David and Andy Cowan) [[Seinfeld (season 6)|Season 6]] * [[The Kiss Hello]] (with Larry David) [[Seinfeld (season 7)|Season 7]] * [[The Cadillac (Seinfeld)|The Cadillac]], Parts 1 and 2 (with Larry David) ==References== {{Reflist|30em}} ==External links== {{sisterlinks|commons=Category:Jerry Seinfeld|d=Q215506|v=no|b=no|s=no|voy=no|species=no|wikt=no}} * {{Official website|jerryseinfeld.com}} * {{IMDb name|0000632}} * {{IBDB name}} * {{DMOZ|Arts/People/S/Seinfeld%2C_Jerry/}} * {{NYTtopic|people/s/jerry_seinfeld}} {{Jerry Seinfeld|state=uncollapsed}} {{Seinfeld}} {{Navboxes |title = Awards for Jerry Seinfeld |list = {{GoldenGlobeBestActorTVComedy 1990-2009}} {{ScreenActorsGuildAwards EnsembleTVComedy 1994–1999}} }} {{Authority control}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Seinfeld, Jerry}} [[Category:20th-century American male actors]] [[Category:20th-century American writers]] [[Category:21st-century American male actors]] [[Category:21st-century American writers]] [[Category:20th-century Mizrahi Jews]] [[Category:21st-century Mizrahi Jews]] [[Category:1954 births]] [[Category:American film producers]] [[Category:American Jewish comedians]] [[Category:American Mizrahi Jews]] [[Category:American male comedians]] [[Category:American male television actors]] [[Category:American male writers]] [[Category:American memoirists]] [[Category:American people of Syrian-Jewish descent]] [[Category:American people of Ukrainian-Jewish descent]] [[Category:American stand-up comedians]] [[Category:American television writers]] [[Category:Male television writers]] [[Category:Best Musical or Comedy Actor Golden Globe (television) winners]] [[Category:American car collectors]] [[Category:Jewish American male actors]] [[Category:Jewish American writers]] [[Category:Jewish male comedians]] [[Category:Jews and Judaism in New York City]] [[Category:American people of Syrian descent]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Male actors from New York City]] [[Category:Mizrahi Jews]] [[Category:People from Amagansett, New York]] [[Category:People from Massapequa, New York]] [[Category:Primetime Emmy Award winners]] [[Category:Queens College, City University of New York alumni]] [[Category:Showrunners]] [[Category:State University of New York at Oswego alumni]] [[Category:Television producers from New York]] [[Category:Transcendental Meditation practitioners]] [[Category:Writers from Brooklyn]] [[Category:American male screenwriters]] [[Category:Comedians from New York City]]'
New page wikitext, after the edit (new_wikitext)
'According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.'
Whether or not the change was made through a Tor exit node (tor_exit_node)
0
Unix timestamp of change (timestamp)
1489758682