User:Lhill21/sandbox

Good Articles vs. Needs Improvement exercise

Stuffed toy

Reasons the article may have been marked for improvement:

• Some sections of the article, such as the “Description” and “Impact” section, have no citations. In addition, one of the citations (No. 15, which talks about Tsum Tsum toys) is not a quality source because it is a link to the Tsum Tsum website.
• The “Types” section needs restructuring, because “Virtual brands” should probably be a subset of “Brands.” The section could also possibly use expansion.
• The “Brands” and “Virtual brands” sections seem too close to a promotion certain brands.
• The “Impact” section does not have neutral language.

Bulletproofing

Reasons the article may have been marked for improvement:

• The organization needs improvement. For instance, “Origins” and “Background” could be combined into an overall history section, and the “Uses” and “Classification” sections could possibly be retitled.
• Additional citations are needed in the “Background,” “Uses” and “Classification” sections.
• The content could be expanded overall.

Comprehensive assessment of articles

Stuffed toy

Audience and purpose: The purpose of this article seems to be to provide a general overview of stuffed toys. The audience can be anyone since no advanced knowledge is needed to understand the topic; however, I imagine that it would be most popular with stuffed toy collectors and enthusiasts. Because stuffed toys are so popular and prevalent, everyone has a general idea of what a stuffed toy is. Thus, people are not visiting the page to learn about what a stuffed toy is; rather, it is more likely that they would visit the page to get a better picture of the stuffed toy’s history, its impact on society, and similar topics. The article needs work to fulfill this purpose because, while it includes description, history and type categories, more detail is needed in many of these areas, particularly history. This article needs extensive editing before being a great article. More detail and additional citations are needed in many areas, the entire “types” category needs restructuring, and the tone needs to become more encyclopedic. There are no major recent editors to the article and no recent discussions to the talk page, so I am not sure if any of them would be interested in seeing my process, but I’ll post on the talk page anyway. The good articles that most closely resemble this article is "Play-doh" and "Reborn dolls," both of which have more detailed content, more sources and a more encyclopedic tone. In addition, they both feel more cohesive, perhaps aided by a stronger lead section.

Summary of work: One section that I will work on is the lead. There is some information, like descriptions of materials and common uses, that does not appear elsewhere in the article and should be moved to a different section. In addition, the lead mentions fads, which used to be a section but is not anymore. The entire text needs to be re-written for an encyclopedic tone, particularly the description and impact section. The article also requires additional citations throughout, particularly for the history section, which could include more content. The types section also needs extensive editing. The description of “handcrafted” could be expanded if additional sources on handcrafted toys can be found. “Brands” should be re-worked so that it is not just listing different types of toys, particularly because they were originally included under a section discussing stuffed toys with technological components. In addition, “virtual brands” should be a subset of brands rather than its own subsection, and, to justify listing certain brands, additional information should be added on the toys’ impact. The impact section could also be adjusted, perhaps to a cultural impact section similar to the “Teddy bear” article. One subset of such a section could be “fads” or “collectors” or something similar, because I think these would provide interesting information that shows the cultural impact and popularity of stuffed toys. In addition, are there really popular stuffed toys in other countries that could be discussed? I also think a “Manufacturing methods” section could be added (perhaps “types” could be merged into this), similar to the “Production” section in the “Teddy bear” article, the “Ingredients” section in the “Play-doh” article, or the “Fabrication” section of the “Reborn doll” article. Depending on how the content is adjusted, the images might need to be adjusted as well. For instance, there is a photo of a toy captioned “plush flower,” but it is not referenced in the article.

Square dance

Audience and purpose: The audience for this article can be anyone but is most likely to be square dancers or anyone who has heard the term or seen the dance somewhere and wants to know more. The original purpose of the article was to compare traditional square dance with modern western square dance, but it has since expanded and is now focused on providing an overview of square dancing in general and informing about numerous different types of square dancing and their similarities and differences. This article makes a good start toward fulfilling this purpose, but it could benefit from a history section and a more focused “Main types” section that specifically overviews the different types and better distinguishes between different ones. The article needs significant work in order to become a good article. For instance, it has been tagged as needing additional sources and as containing original research and weasel words. There are a couple editors who have not contributed recently but who have edited the article intermittently for several years, so they and the page’s creator might be of interest in the editorial process. Some good articles for comparison are “Circle dance” and “Hip-hop dance,” both of which have much more citations, a history section, and a clearer description of the different categories of each dance.

Summary of work: Some of the biggest areas to focus on will be adding a history section and restructuring the “Main types” section. Currently, some of the descriptions for different types focus more on the history while others only explain what the dance is like, and some seem to refer to a dance event rather than a dance itself. Each section should include a description of the dance and preferably a brief history, and perhaps the types section could be restructured into “dance” and “dance events” to avoid confusion. The lead also needs to be revised to better reflect the article overall, and some of the information that appears only in the lead should be moved elsewhere in the article instead. The article also needs additional citations throughout, and the wording should be edited for neutral, encyclopedic tone. In addition, many of the headings could be renamed, and the bullet-point format under the “Main types” heading could be adjusted to sub-sub headings. Finally, additional visuals might help to better explain the description of numbering couples.

Major issue 1 assessment

Stuffed toy

• The article follows the basic layout structure, but compared to a few similar articles, like Teddy bear, Reborn doll and Play-Doh, it looks like the history section should come first. Then perhaps the description should come after that. In addition, all three articles have some sort of description of manufacturing, so perhaps this article should overview manufacturing methods as well.
• The overall flow of this article is from general description to a brief history to different types to a general section on impact. History and description should probably be switched, and perhaps a section or two should be added.
• Some of the information in the lead is out of place because it is not mentioned elsewhere. Also, as discussed above, the description is out of place because other articles put history first. I don’t think history is given proper emphasis because it occurs second and is short.
• All the sections are pretty short. The history section should definitely be expanded. In addition, the types section could be merged with the “Impact” section and perhaps with a manufacturing section.
• The lead definitely needs work. The first couple of sentences are good, but after that, the only information it contains that is found in the rest of the article is a very brief mention of the history and what the toys often resemble. Thus, the information about materials they’re made of, different fads they’ve produced, and uses should all be moved or expanded in the rest of the article. In addition, if something related to the “Types” section is maintained, it needs to be better addressed in the lead.
• The information in the description, history and impact sections and those sections’ paragraphs seems good. However, the organization under the types section could be improved. For instance, virtual brands should be a subset of brands, either as a subhead or a different paragraph under the brands heading. In addition, sock monkeys should be listed first since they are older, although they might fit better under history anyway.

Square dance

• The article follows the basic layout structure of a Wikipedia article.
• The main sections seem to be in a good order, although I think a history section is needed first.
• Some of the information within the main types section seems out of place. For instance, modern Western square dance is discussed under “United States and Canada”, but it seems that the same thing is described under “Britain” and “International.” This whole section should be restructured to avoid this repetition. Other than that, the sections seem to be in a good order, but within different sections, such as “Comparing square dance music” and “Other comparisons,” the types of dances are discussed in different orders. They should be discussed in the order they are listed under “types.”
  • Most things have proper emphasis. However, history is not emphasized because there is no history section. In addition, Scottish and Irish variations should have at least a few more sentences. Also, “Numbering of couples” might be given too much emphasis.
• The “Numbering of couples” section is a little long. For instance, is the information about the quadrille numbering necessary? Other than that, the sections seem to be a good length.
• Much of the information in the lead (like the history or details about callers) don’t appear in the rest of the article. This information should be moved down to a history section, and the caller information could be moved to the calls section. In addition, the lead doesn’t mention much about different types, numbering of couples, or music, which are all sections in the body.
• The information under the traditional square dance section could be better organized by starting with history and then going into the remaining information. In addition, some of the dances listed under “England” seem to be dance events rather than the dance itself (“going to a square dance” rather than “square dancing”). The structure should be adjusted to reflect this. Under the “Numbering of couples," “Comparing square dance music,” and “Other comparisons” section, the different types should be discussed in the order they are listed under “Types.”

Major issue 2 assessment

Stuffed toy

• Everything is related to the topic, and nothing distracted me.
• The article uses fairly neutral language except in the Impact section, which seems a little like it’s trying to convince the reader how great stuffed toys are.
• There aren’t really any underrepresented or overrepresented viewpoints because this is not a controversial topic. However, the history section could be further explored, as could the cultural impact of stuffed toys in general and particular brands.
• Many of the information feels like original research because there are no sources cited (for instance, the description and impact sections).
• Sources are needed in the description and impact section. The sources given support the information, but the last source about Tsum Tsum toys is from the product’s website, so it’s not a good source.
• There are many facts, particularly in the description and impact section, with no references. Most of the information comes from articles, which seem neutral enough, but one of the sources is from the product’s website.
• None of the information is out of date. More information on history and cultural impact, like different fads or the impact of the mentioned brands, could be added.

Square dance

• The terminology paragraph under “Main types” distracted me a little, maybe because the language was so un-encyclopedic. In addition, some of the sentences under “Numbering of couples” don’t seem relevant to the topic because they discuss numbering for older dances from which square dance is descended, but this only confuses the discussion.
• The language is fairly neutral, but, as the top of the article notes, there are some non-neutral areas. For instance, the terminology paragraph has non-encyclopedic language. Also, words and phrases throughout like “can be enjoyed” or “can be part of the fun” seem to encourage square dancing rather than just informing about it.
• The American forms of square dancing are discussed the most, but this might be because they are the most popular and common forms. The Scottish and Irish variations are underrepresented because they only have one sentence each under the “Main types” section, and they are not discussed in the sections comparing square dance attire and clubs.
• Most of the information reads as original research because there are hardly any citations.
• The sources support the claims they are listed for, but these are only a couple sentences in the whole article. The rest of the article needs citations, particularly the claim that modern Western square dance is the most popular form, the history discussion, and much of the comparisons.
• The majority of the facts have no references. For the few citations that exist, reliable information is used from books, a short film, and the Callerlab website (to reference the purpose of the organization).
• None of the information is out-of-date. More information could be added about some of the different types of square dance, and a general history section could be added as well.

Major issue 3 assessment

Stuffed toy

Sentences that need work:

• “The popularity of stuffed toys is such that one can almost always find a stuffed toy version of any fictional character from a movie, TV show, book or other entertainment forms, so long as it is animal-like.” The beginning of this sentence feels awkward.
• “Stuffed toys of both real and fictional humans are also seen on shelves regularly, given that the individual or character is famous enough.” The “given that” clause feels awkward.
• “In 2005, Ganz launched its Webkinz stuffed toys, which came with a unique "Secret Code" that gave access to the Webkinz World website and a virtual version of the toy for online play.” The use of “unique” is a little ambiguous. I’m pretty sure it means that each code was different, but it could also be read as the idea of secret codes being unique to Webkinz, which would be a peacock word. To avoid confusion, reword to “…stuffed toys, each of which came with a different “Secret Code” that…”

Square dance

Sentences that need improvement:

• “Because of this standardization, it is possible for anyone with the proper training to dance modern Western square dancing in many countries around the world.” Eliminate the wordy “it is possible.”
• Eliminate “today” and “current” throughout, instead changing to “modern” or “21^st century.”
• “Traditional square dance uses a comparatively small number of calls—between about ten and thirty, depending on the region and the individual caller.” “Comparatively small” is unspecific and can be removed since the number of calls is also stated.
• “In Modern Western square dance, the participants are expected to have learned and become proficient in a particular defined set of calls known as a program.” “are expected” is a little wordy and vague. This can be corrected to “…the participants learn and become proficient in…”
• “Unlike traditional square dance, very rarely are two modern Western dances ever alike” The wording is in an unusual order and could be improved to, “Unlike traditional square dances, two modern Western dances are rarely alike.”
• “Modern Western square dancers are encouraged to dance only those programs at which they are reasonably proficient.” Another vague term. Who encourages them? What is “reasonably proficient”? If someone learns all the calls for a program, they might not feel proficient right away, but they should still dance so they can improve. Perhaps a better wording would be “Most Modern Western square dancers dance only in the programs they have fully learned.”
• “All programs are set by Callerlab, the callers' international association, which also governs the training of callers.” Passive voice. Change to “Callerlab, the callers’ international association, sets all programs and governs the training of callers.”
• “In many communities, including Scotland and Ireland, the dancers are expected to know the dance and there is no caller.” The phrase “are expected to know” is vague. Who expects them to? Change to “…the dancers know the complete dance and there is no caller.”
• “Traditional square dance is almost always danced to live music.” “almost always” can be strengthened and condensed to “primarily.”
• “The tempo is also more uniform than in traditional dancing, as the "perfect" modern Western square dance tempo is 120–128 bpm.” This sentence seems unnecessarily wordy. Shorten to, “The tempo is more uniform than in traditional square dancing and ranges from 120-128 bpm.” This also eliminates the word “perfect,” which is questionable.
• “The clubs offer classes and social and dance evenings, as well as arrange for larger dances which are usually open to the general square dancing public (i.e. non-club members).” This is wordy and can be condensed to “The clubs offer classes, socials, and dance evenings and arrange larger dances that are usually open to non-club members.” This also eliminates the use of parentheses.
• “Céilidh and barn dance events are often advertised as being square dance events, which can be misleading.” The end of this sentence is more of a judgment than an encyclopedic statement and should be removed.
• “Clubs may choose to advertise their dances as requiring less strict dress codes known as "proper" or "casual" (no dress code).” This seems unnecessarily wordy and can be adjusted to “Some clubs require a less strict dress code, known as “proper,” or no dress code, called “casual.”
• “Modern Western square dance events in Britain are increasingly seen as having a relaxed dress code, although many dancers do like to wear "traditional square dance attire".” This sentence contains the weasel phrase “are seen,” because it doesn’t specify who considers the dress code to be relaxed. Also, the order of information is better presented with the clause first. Reword to “Although many modern Western square dancers in Britain wear traditional square dance attire, events often have a relaxed dress code.”