Talk:Silver (concert)/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Grk1011 (talk · contribs) 15:36, 30 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a. (prose, spelling, and grammar):

b. (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a. (reference section):

b. (citations to reliable sources):

c. (OR):

d. (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a. (major aspects):

b. (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a. (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):

b. (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/fail:

(Criteria marked are unassessed)

Hi Pseud 14, I'll be reviewing this for you. My typical style is to read through the article and make small grammar changes myself as a courtesy and I'll list more substantial comments below for your response. I will update the above checklist as we go along. Grk1011 (talk) 15:36, 30 June 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead

Replace "she" with "Velasquez" in second sentence

Done. Pseud 14 (talk) 18:57, 2 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Numbers above 10 are usually written out (25th)

Per MOS:NUMERAL, numbers over 10 expressible in one or two words may be expressed either in numerals or in words (hyphenated). I'm only writing it in words to be consistent with how there were written in Twenty and R3.0 (concert). Let me know otherwise if this is acceptable. Pseud 14 (talk) 18:57, 2 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Replace "Velasquez's" with "her" in third sentence

Done. Pseud 14 (talk) 18:57, 2 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Suggest: "The event was later re-staged..." <- this sentence is also a bit run-on-y

Revised as suggested. Pseud 14 (talk) 18:57, 2 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Italics for Silver Rewind

I think writing it in Italics would refer to the television special and not the concert. I took this part out otherwise, and added both titles in the first sentence with an efn to provide context. Pseud 14 (talk) 18:57, 2 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Is it appropriate for this article to be named Silver when it's mostly about Silver Rewind? I think at a minimum you should introduce Silver Rewind as a second bold term right at the beginning. I feel like Silver is the background information for Silver Rewind. Think is this article about the concert that was cut short or the later concert and television special?

I had though about this, but since "Silver" and "Silver Rewind" are both essentially the same concert/concept, the latter being the full show; With Silver Rewind predominantly used for promotion, I instead provided context in the beginning of the article so it is explicitly defined and hopefully wouldn't confuse readers. Some publications like this still referred to the second show as Silver. Pseud 14 (talk) 18:57, 2 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Background and development

This section starts of as a bit irrelevant. It's sort of a random picking of past events instead of a concise summary of how we got here. Focus more on things like how many albums released total, or number of number one hits, etc. Things like that.

I believe the first para provides a history of her career as to how she got here i.e. (1) when her career began and how she got signed/discovered in 1986 (since she is celebrating her 25th milestone) (2) a listing of her notable achievements/albums released in Asia where she had gained substantial success (3) a brief recap of 10th and 20th milestones she has done in the past, which provides context as to why she celebrates these. I have added a sentence mentioning her album sales as well, but unfortunately, the Philippines doesn't employ Billboard or record charts in general, so a listing of singles/hits wouldn't be available. Hopefully the addition helps improve it. Pseud 14 (talk) 18:57, 2 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Doesn't the SM Investments ref (10) state that Velasquez performed there on June 16, 2012?

Ref 10 is only used to support MOA's opening in May 2012. The June 16, 2012 does not refer to Silver, but a musical event with various artists for the arena's opening. Pseud 14 (talk) 18:57, 2 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

production which <- add comma

Done. Pseud 14 (talk) 18:57, 2 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Show cancellation

that the show will be rescheduled <- would
that he will waive his fees <- would

Done for both.Pseud 14 (talk) 18:57, 2 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Synopsis and reception

This feels a bit odd. Is it actually a recap of Silver Rewind? I think more clarification is necessary.

Clarified at the start of the para. Pseud 14 (talk) 18:57, 2 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I think the image is actual from Rewind, not the original concert?

Revised caption. Pseud 14 (talk) 18:57, 2 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

References

Copyvio tool only flagged quotes, so that's good

Discussion

Hi Pseud 14, that's what I got! I think the hardest part will be refocusing this article so it isn't about three things all at once. It was a definitely hard to follow which occurrence/event was being discussed. Grk1011 (talk) 17:23, 2 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for taking up this review Grk1011. I have actioned and provided my responses to your comments. Let know if they are to your satisfaction or if I may have missed anyting. Pseud 14 (talk) 18:57, 2 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Pseud 14. A couple more things now that the reorganization has taken place:

The opening sentence refers to one event, but the article is really about 2 events (2 shows according to infobox? maybe a concert series?). There are a several ways to handle this which I'll let you think through.

I think a concert series would have to be at least more than three shows, in the US it is defined by Pollstar as 10 or more. I've fixed it to avoid ambuguity by adding "two-day" arena concert in the lead sentence. Since both dates are still considered the staging of "Silver" (as an example: ArtRave)

In the Background and Development section, before the "In April 1996" sentence, consider adding something that introduces the relevance of these shows. Example: "Prior to Silver as the 25th anniversary show, Velasquez had staged both 10th and 20th anniversary shows that took place in April 1996 and October 2006, respectively." You'd still need to figure out how to incorporate the locations if you think that's helpful information to keep.

Revised

Fix the ref order of [17][1] in the first sentence of "show cancellation"

Done

From the lead: "and was considered a vindication from its initial cancellation." <- can you rephrase to more closely match some of the terms used in the refs?

Revised

Other than that, looks good! Grk1011 (talk) 13:29, 3 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Grk1011, above comments addressed. Let me know if I missed anything. Pseud 14 (talk) 15:28, 3 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you! All set. I made a few quick copyedits just now and am happy to pass this! Grk1011 (talk) 16:03, 3 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.