User talk:MKichar1/Mayo A. Shattuck III

I've completed the peer review, so you can begin incorporating my advice into your draft if you so wish :) Reneeliiu (talk) 01:15, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

MH final comments

This article is looking pretty close to done - I'd suggest the following revisions before you submit your final version, due May 8:

1. The article does need some images - if you can't find any of him, try adding some of the burn unit. Failing that, there are plenty of the hospital that would do - search Google and the JHU databases, and if you can't find anything suitable, I know there is relevant material on the Wikimedia Commons.

1. Make sure everything is cited, particularly the quotes, as you have two at present that don't have citations.

2. Check through for typos - for example, you've got 'Suns' in one appearance of 'Alex. Brown & Sons', and some capitalization inconsistencies in names (Chamber of Commerce, for example).

Overall, though, I'd say it's looking solid. The rubric for the final articles is on the Blackboard in the 'Course Content' folder. Looking forward to seeing the complete version! — Preceding unsigned comment added by M.hin.ck (talk • contribs) 20:27, 28 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

MH comments

Good work on this article! Keep the following in mind as you revise your next draft:

1. Consider adding more sub-headings, particularly to the first section. Take a look at other biographical articles as a model - Wikipedia tends to err on the side of more subsections, rather than fewer.

2. It would benefit the article to have more images; this could also be a way to add emphasis to the JHU portion of the article. Have a look through the archives and JHU material to see if you can find something suitable.

3. Keep an eye on the purpose of the article: namely, to inform the average Wikipedia reader about this public figure. If a particular fact doesn't serve that purpose, cut it. Your removal of the 'Personal Life' section is, I think, appropriate here - you might consider, however, leaving in the dates of his marriage and divorce, as these are relatively common on the pages of public figures.

4. Make sure every fact has a citation. This is especially the case for quotes: generally speaking, it's best practice for any sentence with a quote to have a footnote directly at its end, even if this means repeating the citation later.

Also, please post a comment to the Talk page of the original article explaining that you're drafting a new version of this article for a WikiEducation class, providing a short summary of the changes you've made (dividing it into sections, adding information, etc.) so that when you begin moving this across in a couple of weeks, it won't come as a surprise.

Read your peer reviews and continue to revise in the sandbox (all your old drafts are saved automatically); let me know if you have any questions or want to discuss any of these comments further! — Preceding unsigned comment added by M.hin.ck (talk • contribs) 05:13, 5 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]